Ahead, Douche Factor Five!

« January 2011 »
SuMoTuWeThFrSa
1
2
8
9
11
15
16
22
23
25
29
30
31

Memo to Erick Erickson: YES, YOU ARE STILL DUMB.

It's been just over two years since I last made fun of Erick Erickson, the RedState blogger and the man behind the now-not-even-infamous-anymore Red State Strike Force. You remember the Strike Force, right? They were the political equivalent of a bunch of jilted nerds whose favorite show just got cancelled. Erick would exhort his readers to buy and mail vaguely symbolic items to politicians who violated one of their wingnut principles.

Anyway, last year, Erickson caught the attention to CNN, who went down their checklist of requirements for an occasional rotating pundit. Since Erickson was ineffectual, douchey, and a conservative, so he was in! This immediately made him less interesting to me, since he was now being paid to say stupid shit he used to volunteer for free in service of the Great Wingnut Cause.

This, by the way, illustrates a key difference between You Are Dumb and Media Matters, who immediately ramped up their Erickson coverage in the hopes of humiliating CNN for hiring him. A noble cause, but (a) outside my purview, and (b) it totally hasn't worked, so I'll stick with my approach, thanks.

That said, Erickson must have broken a couple of mercury thermometers into his holiday* eggnog, because once 2011 kicked in, he embarked on an ambitious project to regain my attention through a gaudy display of stupid douchery. Well, congratulations, Erick. You have won the future, and the future is now.

I can't take all the credit, of course. The Giffords shooting spawned a veritable Fourth of July fireworks display of stupid douchery. But Erickson still went above and beyond the call of duty with this. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Through it all though, well meaning people on both sides of the ideological and partisan divide are not talking about the one thing that should be talked about — a saving faith in Jesus Christ. The topic of faith in Christ makes people cringe. But whether you believe it or not, here is the reality: beyond us is a world we cannot see with our eyes. It impacts us on a daily basis. It is a world of very real angels and very real demons. It is a world of a very real God and a very real Satan, a very real Heaven and a very real Hell."

Of course, this is the same kind of blame misdirection that religion was basically invented to provide. Don't blame me for crop failures, it's witchcraft! You can't overthrow me for incompetence, I rule by divine right! The shooter wasn't crazy, or motivated by fringe political beliefs, he is demonic Satanic evil from hell, and the only defense against him is faith in Jesus!

Of course, Giffords is Jewish, and doesn't have faith in Jesus either. Which I bet Erick thinks is pretty damn ungrateful to her, since it was totally Jesus who let her survive a bullet to the head, and not some gay Latino who actually helped stop the bleeding.

And also, dude, please kindly go and fuck yourself for insisting that your dualistic bedtime story is a "reality" whether or not I believe it. You come from a culture that refuses to believe in reality no matter how much evidence there is for it, so you don't get to insist your evidence-free proclamations of angels and demons are the operative framework.

Of course, Erickson has a problem with atheism. A deep-seated problem with it that makes him not just crazy, but a kind of crazy that doesn't even follow the traditional rules of crazy. Look how he flips out over Obama's "moment of silence".

"But I feel the need to make a political point here about why this President is getting bashed for his 'moment of silence' when other Presidents, from Carter to Reagan to Bush to Clinton to Bush, did not... In yesterday's 'moment of silence' he wanted prayer or reflection. Here's the problem -- when conservatives push for school prayer and advocate for a 'National Day of Prayer,' they include 'or reflection' to get around namby-pamby atheist objectors. But the left uses it too. The left uses it to accommodate atheists."

Try to follow that logic. I dare you. That logic is dropping oil slicks and smoke screens and just when you think you've caught it, it turns into a fucking boat. And no, I didn't trim out a middle bit that helped it make sense, I trimmed out a middle bit that was other times Erickson thought Obama accommodated atheists. Nothing that explained why, for example, the cowardly avoidance of "namby-pamby" (read: GAY) objections is somehow morally superior to accommodation, even politically-motivated accommodation.

And this was all before he promised to "repudiate" the Supreme Court with "mass bloodshed" if they didn't overturn Roe V. Wade, and suggested that the only thing that would help Atlanta fix its schools was a Katrina-sized flood. Good thing violent eliminationist rhetoric doesn't kill people, an insufficient faith in Jesus Christ, opening your soul to demonic corruption by Satan, does.

*And yes, I used "holiday" there just because it pisses off hyper-religious Christmas wingnuts.