Oldies But... Well, Just Oldies

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Memo to Paul Broun, Michele Bachmann, and Steve King: YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT?

I never forget. I see all, hear all, know all. You say something stupid, and even if it's nearly two months later, I have it on hand for a moldy, crusty edition of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS! To the bottom of the crap pile, Boy Wonder!

"Father, there are many who want to destroy us from outside this nation. Folks like al-Qaeda and the radical Islamists. But there are folks that want to destroy us from inside, the progressives and the socialists, who want to make this nation a nation that's no longer under you, under God, but a nation that's ruled by man." - Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA). one of the mans ruling this nation, during his opening prayer at a July 4 barbecue.

I think this quote is suddenly relevant again, since the entire punditocracy has a case of the fucking vapors because Teamsters president James Hoffa called Republicans and teabaggers "sons of bitches" on Labor Day. Such indelicate language! Why can't he be godly like Paul Broun, and simply say all liberals want to destroy America from inside, like how Al Qaeda wants to destroy us from the outside?

You know why the media has time to have a week of hissy fits every time a Democrat is indelicate, but doesn't seem to care much when a Republican is? It's not just a double standard. It's because there are so many of them being so consistently indelicate that it stopped being news a long time ago. There's a lesson there. Everyone's already covered in mud, so flinging some really can't hurt at this point.

"We went from middle class to overnight below poverty. And my mother had to leave the home and get a job…and I had to go out and get babysitting jobs…to help out... we did not go on dependency programs. And I don’t begrudge anyone who does when I say that, but we didn’t do that. We had our faith in God, we depended on our neighbors, we depended on ourselves, and we just did without. We made do, we did without... and we were just grateful for what we had. We knew that one day things would be better than they were. And God was faithful, and they were better. - Michele Bachmann, July 7, South Carolina.

I have certain admittedly strong opinions about what disqualifies someone from being president. For example, while I'm glad Michele Bachmann isn't poor anymore, I'm not so thrilled Jesus decided to bless her family so much that they could make a good living torturing gay people. I think if the Bachmann's want to do that, fine, but they shouldn't get to do that AND run the country. Call me an extremist. Also, if you're going to be the President, you should know what "begrudging" is.

For example, if you take welfare - a program designed to help people through difficult times that mostly works as advertised, and call it a "dependency program", you are automatically begrudging everyone who goes on those programs when you say so. Because most of them did not end up "dependent" on it. They needed it when they needed it, and stopped needing it when they were doing better. Also, saying that you don't need to go on welfare if Jesus loves you enough to make your lives better, well, that's also begrudging the ever-loving shit out of all the faithless heathens who took the government's poor people money.

Now, I don't know where the Bachmann's hundreds of thousands of dollars in farm subsidy money falls in this riches-to-rags-to-riches timeline, but it doesn't matter, because farm subsidies are nothing like welfare - they're a way for the government to make sure that people who can't cut it in the free market don't go out of business or starve. Which I know makes it sound exactly like welfare, but if you look closely, the words "rural" and "white" are both hidden in that sentence, which makes it totally different.

"We have people that are single, we have people that are past reproductive age, we have priests that are celibate. All of them, paying insurance premiums that cover contraceptives so that somebody else doesn't have to pay the full fare of that? And they've called it preventative medicine. Preventative medicine. Well if you applied that preventative medicine universally what you end up with is you've prevented a generation. Preventing babies from being born is not medicine. That's not— that's not constructive to our culture and our civilization. If we let our birth rate get down below replacement rate we're a dying civilization." - America's Dumbest Legislator, Steve King.

The Republican reproductive rights agenda is that you have the right to reproduce, ladies. Every nine to twelve months. Whether you want to or not. Unless you're rich, in which case you can spend your private money on slut-pills and that way, no tax-evading pedophile priests will be on the hook for your progesterone.

Also, I guess it turns out that Steve King is a white supremacist. Because there's only one "culture", one "civilization", where people are worried about the birth rate getting down below replacement rate. Steve King is using all the terminology of "demographic winter" without coming right out and saying it, and of course, "demographic winter" is how white supremacists like Pat Buchanan describe the apocalypse that will result when brown people finally succeed in out-breeding white people. Thanks for the tip-off, asshole.