Going Through My O Phase

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Memo to Paul Babeu, Morning Joe, and Keith Ablow: YOU ARE DUMB-O.

I think this is a first in You Are Dumb Dot Net's storied history - an all-rhyming SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY! What were the odds that three different people, over the course of a few weeks, would be both horrible human beings AND have names ending in a long "O" sound? No, wait. Never tell me the odds.

I wasn't gonna make fun of Paul Babeu. Really, I wasn't. I mean, yeah, it's funny - an anti-immigrant Republican being outed by his gay, probably illegal Mexican boyfriend? That's fucking hilarious. But when he got busted by the news, thanks to allegations by the boyfriend that Babeu threatened to have him deported if he talked about their relationship? He didn't actually deny he was gay. He admitted to being gay, admitted he supported marriage equality, and just denied the specific charge of abuse of power.

So, there was surprisingly little to work with as a result. Babeu was an immigration dick, but not, as far as I could find, a rabid anti-gay social conservative. And then I read this.

"At the time, we asked Chris DeRose, Babeu's campaign manager, about the comment, and he responded that Babeu had a sister with a mental illness who was posting comments like this on various websites. We had already deleted the comment, so we pursued it no further." - The Chino Valley e-news, explaining Babeu's take on a comment outing Babeu as gay, posted by his boyfriend.

Blaming your "crazy sister" for posting weird, totally crazy stuff about you being gay in order to hide the fact that you're gay? Dick move. This happened around six weeks before the other story broke. So all of a sudden, I'm less inclined to credit Babeu with some kind of brave stance for telling the truth after he got caught. And more inclined to believe the boyfriend's story about threats of deportation. So, yeah. Fuck that guy. Or, if you're an immigrant in Arizona, don't fuck that guy.


A followup on Pat Buchanan's firing - a bit I simply didn't have room to include in the actual column. See, Morning Joe has a sad. They're sad their buddy Pat is gone. Sad, sad Joe. Sad, sad Mika. How sad? This sad:

"Everyone at Morning Joe considers Pat Buchanan to be a friend and a member of the family. Even though we strongly disagree with the contents of Pat's latest book, Mika and I believe those differences should have been debated in public. An open dialogue with Morning Joe regulars like Al Sharpton and Harold Ford, Jr. could have developed into an important debate on the future of race relations in America."

It's good to know that Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski don't think that the brown people are going to ruin America with all their brown babies. That's heartening. But, you know what? Pat Buchanan's been having an "open dialogue", to the extent that such a thing is possible on cable news, with the likes of Rachel Maddow and Al Sharpton for a decade, and guess what? Pat's still a white supremacist.

They went on to add that quote about sunlight being the best disinfectant, which may be true, but ten years of MSNBC studio lighting clearly lacks those racist-germ-killing properties. As for him being a friend and a member of the family, well, They Might Be Giants wrote a song about that, assholes.


David Brock is a former conservative media hit-man who's spent the better part of the past decade-plus atoning for that by running Media Matters, a site dedicated to fifty-thousand-word analyses that boil down to "Rush Limbaugh is a Lying Shithead". I kid Media Matters. They do good work, even if that good work is excessive in length and does not recognize that some right-wing noisemeisters have in fact lost most of their influence and thus, could be covered less frequently.

The point is, Media Matters goes after right-wing media bullshit a lot. WHich means they go after Fox News a lot. Which means they go after Keith Ablow a lot. Remember Ablow? He's the phony headshrink Fox puts on the air so he can shit himself in a total gay panic attack every single time a transgendered person makes the news. So if you think his explanation for why David Brock of Media Matters goes after him is going to be a bit completely fucking ridiculous, you don't know the half of it. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"He’s a dangerous man, because having followers and waging war… this isn’t accidental language. It’s about violence, destruction, and he feels destroyed in himself. [...] This is an adopted boy who needs to plumb the depths of his psyche. He was adopted. Many adopted children are tremendously well-adjusted, but for some reason, this man feels he’s unloved and unloveable, shunted to the side, and that’s the antidote he feels: unlimited power. Guess what? It never ever works.

You know what SHOULD never work? Keith Ablow. In a just and kind world, Keith Ablow's psychiatric expertise would be dispensed from a Peanuts-style roadside stand made out a refrigerator box that he also sleeps in. Every time Keith Ablow appears on Fox, the shot should start with just his head visible. Then, as he talks, the camera should slowly pull back to reveal his straightjacket, then the padded walls, then the rest of the inmates, all of whom are espousing similar theories. And one of whom is Lou Dobbs.