Mouth Organs

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Memo to Eric Hovde, George Double-yew Motherfucking Bush, and John Sununu: YOU ARE DICKS.

Being a dick is more than about just being mean, or being harsh. Dickishness has its own unique qualities - a specific mix of ignorance, arrogance, and self-righteousness that, in the right proportions, creates an ideal environment for an uncanny resemblance to a slightly inadequate penis. All of the IDIOTS who SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS this week happen to also be huge, huge dicks.

"I see a reporter here. I just pray that you start writing about these issues. I just pray. Stop always writing about, ‘Oh, the person couldn’t get, you know, their food stamps or this or that.’ You know, I saw something the other day — it’s like, another sob story, and I’m like, ‘But what about what’s happening to the country and the country as a whole?’ That’s going to devastate everybody. - Eric Hovde, who is, I shit you not, trying to become one of Wisconsin's two senators.

I mean, at one point, Russ Feingold was one of Wisconsin's two senators, and now this shithead could be. What other job has that kind of wide array of quality in its candidates? Anyway, plausible deniability might lead you to argue that Hovde was just being incredibly inarticulate instead of incredibly insensitive, but I've seen this kind of language before. He was being a dick.

What's interesting about what Hovde calls "sob stories" is that, because of the dismantling of the social safety net and the horrible health insurance industry, the only people who actually get help these days are the people whose "sob stories" reach a certain level of penetration in the public eye. Then a bunch of people will send 20 bucks in a sort of charity version of a famous person's Kickstarter. If the Channel 23 News Team doesn't feature you, and it doesn't end up on YouTube? Well, then, you're fucked. And Erik Hovde would like you to shut up about it so we don't have to feel sorry for you.

"Eight years was awesome, and I was famous and I was powerful. But I have no desire for fame and power anymore." - George W. Bush, in an interview with the Hoover Institute. Not the one named after the president, the one that studies sucking throughout history.

If that Texas son of a bitch is trolling me* with this, then fuck it, I'm getting trolled.

There's a part of me that comes this close to respecting the purity of that quote. Being president is awesome because it makes you famous and powerful! Nobody says that, but it's true. But then I realize that nobody says that because the Constitution says you have to be at least 35 to be president, and that's something a fucking THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD would say.

But that was Dubya in a nutshell, wasn't it? Whenever the dignity of the office was called for, he always fell a little short. Ending the Iraq war only not really? Play dress-up on an aircraft carrier! Awesome! Famous! Powerful! Bring 'em on! Yee, and also haw. Fuck that guy.

"This guy doesn’t understand how to create jobs. So there is no surprise — there should be because of that statement no surprise on why he failed so miserably over the last four years, in terms of job creation. He has no idea how the American system functions, and we shouldn’t be surprised about that, because he spent his early years in Hawaii smoking something, spent the next set of years in Indonesia, another set of years in Indonesia, and, frankly, when he came to the U.S. he worked as a community organizer, which is a socialized structure, and then got into politics in Chicago." - John Sununu, Romney supporter.

Oh, now it's getting fun. And ugly. It's getting fugly, is what I'm trying to say. I mean, look at that fucking laundry list of right-wing blog commenter sputum. Foreign, sort of foreign, drug user, foreign, communist, Chicago.

I don't know how Sununu practiced fitting that many dog-whistles in his mouth. The man must have, like, no gag reflex whatsoever.

This is, of course, all about the Bain and tax return thing. An attempt to get people to talk about something, ANYTHING else. And it's something like the third attempt this week. My favorite attempt was the part where Mitt tried to release an ad with Obama singing to counter the Obama ad with Mitt singing, which didn't work because Obama sang on-key, and Mitt didn't, and Mitt sang something in the public domain, and Obama didn't. And so the Romney ad got ganked for copyright infringement. It doesn't get much funnier than that.

*And by "me", I mean liberals who say things on the Interwebs, of course. And I also mean me.