Who You Voted For

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Memo to Barack Obama and all our New Democrats: THIS IS YOUR TIME.

Your time, that is, to have the keen eyes of You Are Dumb Dot Net trained upon you. Especially Obama. I voted for him, and I'm glad he won, but not 2008 glad. This was more of a glad Mitt lost glad. There's a lot of shit that I find slightly more acceptable than a Romney presidency, but with that out of the way, I have time and energy to spare.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy with the results, but if you look at the numbers, America basically rejected completely clueless batshit assholery by somewhere between 0.5 and 8 percentage points, depending on the race. Which is, when you think about it, a terrifyingly low margin given the actual quality of the candidates who lost. But this isn't about who lost, this is about who won. Barack Obama. Who was better than the alternative, but now the alternative's gone, so he's going to have to just be better.

Guantanamo Bay is still open. We almost never hear about it now because a Democrat is in charge of it, but that fucking blight on our nation's history needs to be shut down. If we can't deal with these people in our own system, then our system's a hell of a lot weaker than I thought.

And, of course, there's the reason we haven't been adding much, if at all, to the Gitmo population in the past four years. Obama just sends a robot plane to kill them with bombs instead. In all kinds of countries. Some we're technically allied with, many we're not at war with. And when they count the bodies, if you're male and in a certain age range, guess what? You're a fucking militant. Great for our accounting, and nobody here gives a shit if you were actually innocent.

We're still in Afghanistan, but at least Obama has a chance to stick to his timetable without a new Commander in Chief fucking things up. Let's see how that works out, but after a dozen years of war, I'm not cutting anyone any slack here.

At least war with Iran should be off the table for another four years. That's the last thing we need.

On the domestic front, well, we've got the upcoming negotiations about the debt ceiling and the "fiscal cliff" that isn't really much of a cliff. Don't get me wrong, I'll miss whatever extra money starts coming out of my paycheck on January 1, but it'll be money well-spent if the Bush tax cuts expire.

There's already talk of a Grand Bargain, a Simpsonian/Bowlesian bargain that will exchange real, painful "entitlement reform" for fake "revenue increases" through fake "tax reform". Obama, by all accounts, loves that shit, and about the only thing standing in his way will be Harry Reid.

On gay rights and marriage equality, I'm less concerned. It took a lot of pushing to get rid of DADT and come out for gay marriage, but it helped him win the election. The youth vote came out big this year, and I'm pretty sure social issues were a big part of that. So let's see some movement on DOMA next.

Eventually, probably, there'll be a Supreme Court pick or three. Which was another really good reason to root for Obama to win. He's got a good track record on that, so barring a shocking reversal, I'm not going to worry overly much about that.

Oh, and speaking of people who won re-election who are going to continue to get my attention, "good" news out of Iowa, everyone! There's not going to be a search for America's Next Stupidest Congresscritter, because Steve King kept his job. Which is fine. The competition for second place has always been fierce, and even with the 2012 Thinning Of The Derp, it would have been hard, thankless work.

You know, like being Sheldon Adelson's accountant right about now.