Is That An Agenda In Your Pocket?

« January 2013 »

Memo to Joe Kovacs: AND?

Joe Kovacs is clearly a man prone to hyperbole. I mean, here's the text of his bio on birther incubator and logic abattoir World Net Daily, where Kovacs serves as executive news editor. ACTUAL BIO TIME!

"Joe Kovacs is an award-winning journalist and, since 1999, executive news editor of WND. He is the author of two best-selling books: "Shocked by the Bible: The Most Astonishing Facts You've Never Been Told" and its 2012 sequel, "The Divine Secret: The Awesome and Untold Truth About Your Phenomenal Destiny."

Or, to put it more simply, Joe Kovacs is not to be taken seriously. This bio has, at my count, eight indicators that Joe Kovacs is not to be taken seriously:

  1. Says he's award-winning, but doesn't say which award.
  2. Says he's been at World Net Daily for nearly 14 years.
  3. In combination with #2, says he's a journalist.
  4. Says his books are best-sellers, does not say in what category or on what list.
  5. Thinks, and got an entire "book" out of the idea that, there are things he can tell you about the Bible that nobody else has ever told you.
  6. Wrote a book last year called "The Divine Secret: The Awesome And Untold Truth About Your Phenomenal Destiny".
  7. No, seriously. Divine. Awesome. Phenomenal Destiny.
  8. Claimed, in that title, that anyone reading his book has a phenomenal destiny. Eating at Chik-Fil-A three times a week is not "phenomenal".

But what are we to not take Joe Kovacs seriously about? Why, CBS, of course, using the straightest, most Christian, and therefore most American sport in the universe to mock Christ himself with the rampant, blatant homotude of Hollywood's beloved gaywad, Neil Patrick Harris. You might think I'm kidding, in which case, welcome to your first You Are Dumb column. I hope you like it.

"But CBS, the television network airing the big game this year, is now using an outspoken homosexual actor to mimic Tim Tebow’s style of trumpeting messages in eyeblack on his face."

Unfortunately, the message written in NPH's eyeblack isn't particularly redolent of homosexual agenda. It's not "Marriage" under the right eye and "Equality" under the left. Or even "Those Drapes Go" and "Or I Do". It's just the date of the Super Bowl.

Now, admittedly, I'm not sure why CBS thought putting the Super Bowl date on Harris' face during a football game would make sure football fans knew when the Super Bowl was going to be, but that's marketing, not mockery. Unless you're a wingnut. In that case, you say stupid shit and Joe Kovacs repeats it.

"One football fan who watched the CBS promo Sunday made the connection between Harris and Tebow, saying, 'They’re pushing a gay agenda by using him, and they’re mocking Christians at the same time.'"

First of all, if Christianity is going to consider itself mocked every time someone makes fun of Tebow, then maybe they should pick a less mockable representative. Fuck Tim Tebow and his posing and his Bible verse eyeblack and his whining when his shitty football playing is weighed more heavily than his love of Jebus when deciding who should start as the Jets' quarterback.*

Of course, Tim Tebow's not the only guy to write in eyeblack, and putting a very famous gay person in an ad is not "pushing a gay agenda", unless you think gay people being alive and out of the closet is an "agenda", and given WND's support for Uganda's plan to put gay people in prison for life, well, there you go.

The point is, a bunch of Christian football fans saw the ad, got captivated by Harris' eyes, and needed to explain away their erections as rage for the message just under those eyes, so they defaulted to the Christian martyr complex they use to explain away their many and varied inappropriate boners.

*Don't look at me like that. I am an information sponge. I learn things whether I want to or not.