Topo Giglio

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Memo to Louie Giglio and your friends: YOU ARE DUMB.

Did you read Saturday's bonus column? Did you know there was one? If the answers were "no" and "no" respectively, feel free to make with the clicking.

Anyway, in addition to that historic bonus column, Barack Obama's historic second inauguration was this weekend. Over a half million people enjoyed it in person, and while I was not one of those people, I took great comfort in knowing that Louie Giglio wasn't there either.

Giglio, an Atlanta pastor, was for some reason the Obama team's first choice to give the inaugural benediction, which we have to have because if we don't Satan will rise up from Mississippi and engulf America in a lake of fire or something. I'm fuzzy on the details, but I'm pretty sure Satan's from Mississippi.

Since Obama has a history of inviting questionable members of the faith community cough cough Rick Fucking Warren cough to participate in his events, the usual left-wing types did the usual "look at the SECOND page of Google results" thing that presidential vetting teams always forget to do and found a pretty virulently anti-gay sermon from the mid-90s.

It's what you'd expect. Being gay is a choice, the homosexual agenda is forcing acceptance of the gay lifestyle, gay people will go to Hell if they don't cut it out with all the being gay stuff. A lot of people thought that in the 90s. Times have changed. Has Giglio? ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Due to a message of mine that has surfaced from 15-20 years ago, it is likely that my participation, and the prayer I would offer, will be dwarfed by those seeking to make their agenda the focal point of the inauguration. Clearly, speaking on this issue has not been in the range of my priorities in the past fifteen years. Instead, my aim has been to call people to ultimate significance as we make much of Jesus Christ." - Giglio, announcing his voluntary withdrawal from the event.

Notice what he didn't say? He didn't say he doesn't believe this anymore. He says he's been talking about other stuff lately. He says the people who brought this to light have an "agenda". But he doesn't say he was wrong back then. So fuck him. Glad he's out.

Plus, him dropping out pissed off all the right people. Noted worst person on the planet Bryan "Seriously, He's So Ass-Backwards You Could Set Him On Fire And He'd Somehow Manage To Be Endothermic" Fischer, for example.

"The bully bigots at Big Gay win huge victory for fascistic intolerance. Louie Giglio forced out of inauguration." - Fischer, on Twitter, setting a new record for 140-character asshat-density.

You know, if you people hate liberalism and secular tolerance so much, STOP STEALING OUR STUFF. We called you bullies and bigots first - bullies because you beat the shit out of gay kids; bigots because you beat the shit out of kids for being gay. You're intolerant of people for who they are. We're intolerant of you because of what you do - being intolerant of people for who they are.

And of course "fascistic", coming from a guy who would happily put America's gay population in a concentration camp given half the chance. Classic.

Look, I know we have to have religious people at these things, and I know it's tough to Google, and I know Gene Robinson can't be everywhere at once, but maybe you should compile a list of a dozen or two good ones. They're out there. Just make the list and vet the list and keep them on hand to choose from every time you have to show the superstitious masses you're on the side of their magic book. We'd like to know you're on our side too.