Atlas Isn't The Only One Shrugging

« January 2013 »

Memo to Mitch McConnell, Christian Toto, and Glenn Grothman: YOU ARE DUMB.

You know what the upside is to being a liberal in post-millennial America? You're never under the delusion that you're entitled to the world conforming to your worldview. Your tactics are never followed, your ideology is rarely celebrated, and your culture is never predominant. Which is a shame, but at least you're never an entitled IDIOT SAYING THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"You and I are literally surrounded. The gun-grabbers in the Senate are about to launch an all-out-assault on the Second Amendment. On your rights. On your freedom... A thinly-veiled national gun registration scheme hidden under the guise of 'background checks' to ensure federal government minders gain every bureaucratic tool they need for full-scale confiscation." - Fund-raising e-mail from Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell.

As I write this, Senate majority leader Harry Reid is currently negotiating a compromise version of filibuster reform that won't include the "talking filibuster", allowing Republicans to block legislation with only a smidge more effort than they currently have to. Because we all have to work together.

Across the aisle, his Republican counterpart is deliberately inciting the gun-nut fringe with paranoid lies about a government conspiracy to secretly confiscate all their firearms. I can only assume that Reid has access to the same information I do, and since nobody could possibly be dumb enough to be conciliatory under these conditions, I can only assume that this is all part of the game, and that the game is rigged.

"And, of course, the Razzie selection committee singled out 'Atlas Shrugged: Part II' for worst direction and worst screenplay and the conservative-friendly 'Red Dawn' for Worst Remake, Ripoff or Sequel." - Big Hollywood's Christian Toto, technically correct yet so very, very wrong.

I mean, I think we could all agree that both "Atlas Shrugged: Galt And Loving It" and Red Dawn were obvious Razzie choices. The only disagreement is in the motivation.

Sane people agree that these are clearly awful fucking movies regardless of their execrable ideologies. Those of us of a rational political bent can also agree that those execrable ideologies make already awful things worse. Big Hollywood people, on the other hand, think this is proof that the Razzies have joined in the Hollywood leftist conspiracy to discredit conservative ideals.

To this, I posit a simple experiment. A private screening of Atlas Shrugged: Objectivist Boogaloo for Christian Toto and any other BH writer, assuming there are any, who also think Atlas Shrugged: Makers On Patrol isn't a steaming piece of sub-direct-to-video dreck.

And the screening room we do this in will be equipped with cameras of its own. Cameras that will capture the viewing experience of the Big Hollywood audience. There's no way they can fake it for the full hour fifty two. They will crack, and at that moment, Atlas Shrugged Part II will, for the first time ever, provide entertainment.

"Irresponsible public school districts such as Green Bay and Madison (and who knows how many others…) try to tell a new generation that blacks have a separate holiday than Christians…But why do they do it? They don’t like America and seek to destroy it by pretending that its values as expressed in the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution, don’t apply to everyone. Mainstream Americans must be more outspoken on this issue. It’s time it’s slapped down once and for all…Be on the lookout if a K-12 or college teacher tries to tell your children or grandchildren it’s a real holiday." - Wisconsin state senator Glenn Grothman, complaining about Kwanzaa.

Pssst. Your holiday isn't real either.

Kwanzaa isn't a liberal plot to destroy America. It's not an attempt to undermine Christianity. It doesn't need to be "slapped down once and for all", least of all by a 57-year old white guy from the Midwest. It's just new.

Yes, it's a set of arbitrary rituals designed to reinforce a cultural viewpoint. So are all the Rankin-Bass specials, shitface. So is mass at Midnight and Black Friday and motherfucking Arbor Day. Don't like it? Don't buy the Hallmark card and shut your hate-hole.