For The Laaaaadies

« January 2013 »

Memo to the camouflage-dicks of the punditocracy: YOU ARE DUMB.

Look, Leon Panetta is a dick. Some of it's not his fault - as Secretary of Defense, it's his job to fight for the best interests of the military over the best interests of the country, so his histrionics over the possible defense cuts in the sequester are as understandable as they're unhelpful.

But I wholeheartedly approve of his decision to allow women in combat, because not only is it the right thing to do, it's already been the status quo for years and years. This change just allows women who are already in combat to get credit for it. Before this change, women in the military got all the danger of being shot at, and none of the career advancement that comes from being shot at.

The usual suspects do not give a shit about this, of course. The usual suspects, full of old-fashioned chauvinism and patriarchal imperviousness. Pundits whose entire military experience consists of watching Hogan's Heroes reruns imagine how difficult the other prisoners would have had it if Lebeau had had titties, and base their political reaction accordingly.

Chief amongst these is Tucker Carlson, who, like Leon Panetta, is a dick, but who, unlike Leon Panetta, has no real job or chance of improving the world. All he can do is use Twitter to drop tiny little turds like this in the punch bowl of public discourse:

"Feminism's latest victory: the right to get your limbs blown off in war. Congratulations."

Let's forget, for a moment, that women have been getting their limbs blown off in combat for a while now. Let's pretend that America's delicate flowers of womanhood have been sheltered and protected from the horrors of war until liberal Obama struck a mighty blow for feminism.

But Carlson, like so many of his ilk, constantly celebrate and glorify the right men have always had to get their limbs blown off in combat. No sarcastic rejoinders on Twitter. I mean, it's been considered disrespectful and traitorous to see the blown off limbs of man-soldiers as anything less than noble, virtuous, patriotic sacrifice. But horrible things happening to ladies is horrible because ovaries, I guess.

At least Ryan Smith was a former Marine, although military service is never a guarantee of a shit-free head. And Ryan Smith's head seems particularly concerned with shit.

"It is humiliating enough to relieve yourself in front of your male comrades; one can only imagine the humiliation of being forced to relieve yourself in front of the opposite sex." - Smith, in the Wall Street Journal.

I'm not super-familiar with soldiering in a time of war, but the impression I get is that it is not comfortable. So it seems odd to me that the chief argument against having women around lugging body armor and backpacks around in 120 degree heat, disarming bombs and shooting brown people we don't like is that it will make our brave dudes in uniform more poop-shy.

This change is even more trivial than the end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, which social troglodytes predicted would be the worst thing ever out of much the same mindset they're employing here, and DADT's repeal has been taken in stride by a military that is, thankfully, still largely concerned with individual competence over the concerns of Tucker Carlson.