Perfectly Reasonable

« January 2013 »

Memo to Lindsay Graham, Lou Baretta, and Marsha Blackburn: YOU ARE DUMB.

Republicans and wingnut pundits are suggesting that Obama's inaugural speech means that the era of reasonable compromise is over. I don't believe that will ever be true, but if it does come to pass, it's clear that this is the fault of Barack Obama, and not these three PERFECTLY REASONABLE REPUBLICANS who SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"I haven’t forgotten about Benghazi. Hillary Clinton got away with murder, in my view.” Lindsay Graham, being perfectly reasonable.

I'm no legal scholar, but I'm pretty sure the difference between murder and manslaughter is intent. If you fuck up and get someone killed, that's manslaughter. If you plan to kill someone, or make sure someone dies, that's murder.

Ergo, Lindsay Graham thinks soon-to-be-former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton planned or otherwise intended to have four Americans, including the ambassador, die in the Benghazi attack. And, in a two-for-one sale, provide a callback to 90's conspiracy theories about her involvement in Vince Foster's suicide. Why wouldn't Obama want to work with someone like that?

“I hope politics is not at the root of why we’re rushing to pass a bill. Anyone who believes that they’re going to win over the Latino vote is grossly mistaken. The majority that are here illegally are low-skilled or may not even have a high school diploma. The Republican Party is not going to compete over who can give more social programs out. They will become Democrats because of the social programs they’ll depend on.” - Pennsylvania congressman Lou Baretta, being perfectly reasonable.

Some on the left have suggested that Baretta was being racist here because he implied that Mexican immigrants are stupid and will inevitably end up on welfare. But that's ridiculous.

Baretta is being racist because he thinks there's something unique to the Mexican racial makeup that keeps the Republican message from resonating with them, even though they're low-skilled and may not even have a high school diploma. White people with that same skill level and education have been voting Republican for decades, after all.

Why wouldn't Obama want to work with a reasonable legislator like Baretta on his push for immigration reform?

"I think it is a relevant point of conversation. If he is a skeet shooter, why have we not heard of this? Why have we not seen photos? Why has he not referenced it at any point in time as we have had this gun debate that is ongoing? You would have thought it would have been a point of reference. I'll tell you what I do think, I think he should invite me to Camp David and I'll go skeet shooting with him, and I bet i'll beat him." - Tennessee congresswoman Marsha Blackburn, being perfectly reasonable.

See, in an attempt to make his secret plan to steal everyone's guns sound more palatable, Obama admitted that he shoots clay discs at Camp David. But Blackburn knows better.

Blackburn, as a Tennesseean, understands innately that all new information is automatically suspect because, and this is important, if it were true, it would have come up at some point beforehand. It's this bold attitude that's made Tennessee the state it is today.

Since Blackburn didn't know the president had shot at targets recreationally, possibly because this is the first time we've had a national debate about guns in thirty fucking years, he must be lying about it. And since he's lying about it, the most reasonable thing to do is to go on cable news, call him a liar, then invite yourself to the presidential retreat, then confidently trash-talk about your leet skeet skillz. Emily Post would, I'm sure, completely concur, and rule that Obama would be crazy to not engage with such perfectly reasonable dialogue.