Putting The Con In Contrition

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Memo to Don Young, Robert Zimmerman, and Ben Carson: YOU ARE NOT SORRY.

Oh, it's my favorite theme again! Real conservatives, fake apologies! Saying the vile shit they believe publicly, then having to backtrack when people hear them! It's time for IDIOTS PRETEND TO APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING THE DAMNDEST THINGS! Goddamn, I love this.

"During a sit down interview with Ketchikan Public Radio this week, I used a term that was commonly used during my days growing up on a farm in Central California. I know that this term is not used in the same way nowadays and I meant no disrespect.” - Alaska Rep. Don Young, pretending to apologize.

That term? WETBACK.

Now, I know as well as anyone, and better than most people, that Don Young has problems with what words are, and also what they mean. But seriously, you meant no disrespect? When he said "we used to hire 50 to 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes"?

It's not that the word is not used in the same way nowadays. It's not that the word is any more insulting now than it was then. It was a slur then, it's a slur now. The reason it's not used now is that we, as a society, at least try not to put up with old white Congressmen casually slinging around FUCKING ETHNIC SLURS because they're not up on the modern lingo.

You meant disrespect. That you don't recognize why it's disrespect is why you find yourself in the middle of this little pontifigurd.

"I'm sincerely sorry my tweet offended many - I made a serious error in judgment abt the way it wld convey & understand why it is offensive." - Robert Zimmerman, explaining on Twitter why he went on Twitter a few days beforehand to compare the black kid his brother murdered for having Skittles to a black kid who killed a baby in Georgia.

See, the baby murderer took pictures of himself flipping off the camera and put them on Facebook. Trayvon Martin took pictures of himself flipping off the camera and put them on Facebook. Therefore, his brother was totally justified in fearing black teenagers. Quod Idiot Demonstrandum.

The best part of the tweets is that he at-mentioned the NAACP and Ben Shapiro in them, which is a fascinating combination of douchebag trolling and finding a sympathetic ear for your half-baked racism. It's almost impressive.

Anyway, there's no way in hell he understands why it was offensive. It's so obvious why it's offensive, and it's so obvious why it's a bad idea for George Zimmerman's brother to put that message out there, that if he were capable of understanding it, he never would have done it. But it's nice that his brother's lawyers understand why it's offensive and were able to write something Robert could fit into 140 characters.

"First of all, they are my views, that should be mentioned there. They're not the views of the institution. You know, if someone goes back and examines what I've been talking about and writing about over the last couple of decades, it's the same things that I'm talking about now. It's just that now more people are paying attention to them. And, you know, I think, you know, in terms of what was said on Sean Hannity's show, that was taken completely out of context and completely misunderstood in terms of what I was trying to say." - Conservatism's latest melanin-enriched superstar, Ben Carson, stumbling out of the gate.

See, Ben Carson said on Hannity that gays didn't get to change the definition of marriage, just like NAMBLA didn't get to or animal-fuckers didn't get to. He was not, in case you were wondering, misunderstood.

Nobody misunderstands what Jesus-freaks mean when they list gays, pedophiles, and bestiality in the great Wingnut Rule of Three. It's the same thing that they mean when they ignore the idea of consent (something they're generally good at ignoring in general) and say gay marriage will lead to child marriage and goat marriage. They're equating all those things as equally wrong and implying that people who support gay marriage find them equally right.

Carson, a Johns Hopkins neurosurgeon, is currently occupying the GOP ecological niche vacated by Herman Cain. And once his views reached a mainstream audience, everyone at Johns Hopkins basically had to come out and tell the world "Yeah, he's a dick. But he's good at cutting up brains, so we put up with him. Doesn't mean we liked him, just means he was good at cutting up brains, OK?"

Facing personal and professional backlash, Carson has employed the classic dual-prong approach - go on mainstream media outlets and say he didn't mean it, then go on right-wing talk radio and call his critics racist bigots who are trying to suppress him for saying what he totally meant.

We'll see if it works. Republicans frequently get away with much worse (see Don Young, above), but Carson's not a conservative operative, he's a post-2012 Hail Mary by Republicans looking to broaden their demographic appeal without actually appealing to other demographics. He's not even a token. He's a nickel they found on the floor of the casino on the way out that they're dumping into the nearest slot machine in the hopes of a big payoff so they can pay their hotel bill.