Thoroughly Unconvincing

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Memo to Michele Bachmann: LET'S PLAY PRETEND.

You may have wondered why, given this site's known and completely appropriate dislike of Minnesota's own Michele Bachmann, that I haven't mentioned the ethics investigation against her presidential campaign? Well, let's take a look at what she's been accused of, shall we? As reported by the Star-Tribune, the Office of Congressional Ethics is investigating:

"Improper use of campaign funds, including the use of money from Bachmann's political action committee to pay campaign staffers."

In other words, they're looking into whether she used SuperPAC money for something she wasn't supposed to. Because allegedly, there are things you can't use SuperPAC money for.

And that's why I haven't bothered covering it. Washington is going to investigate Washington over charges that someone running for high office spent some of the millions they fundraised the way they wanted to, rather than the way they should. Since the entire system these days is predicated on the people running for office spending millions however they want, there's no upside to finding Bachmann violated the "rules", and no punishment strong enough to act as a deterrent anyway.

But let's pretend the system isn't corrupt, just for today, shall we? Because if we do that, we can have fun with Batshit's protestation of innocence. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I'm thoroughly convinced that I'll be cleared." - Bachmann, finally addressing the issue publicly.

She's thoroughly convinced! Let's ponder that for a second. Let's look back at some other things Michele Bachmann was thoroughly convinced of. She was thoroughly convinced that the HPV vaccine could make you retarded. She was thoroughly convinced that the Muslim Brotherhood used Anthony Weiner's ex-wife to infiltrate the US Government.

For fuck's sake Michele Bachmann was thoroughly convinced it was a GOOD IDEA TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT.

So if she's thoroughly convinced she'll be cleared, she'd better hope they don't give the chair for campaign ethics violations.

And while we're at it, let's enjoy the fact that the above statement came after weeks of reporter-dodging, including running down hallways and a notable incident less than a week ago when Bachmann, asked about the investigation during remarks on Medicaid, fled the scene surrounded by her aides, who shoved reporters out of the way to help Bachmann make her escape.

So, for someone accused of doing something everyone does, never gets found guilty of, and never gets punished severely for, Bachmann sure is acting guilty. And if she can pretend it's serious, I suppose I can too.