Impending, Awesome Doom

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Memo to Minnesota for Marriage, Glenn Gruenhagen, and "dighollywood": I AM GOING TO ENJOY THIS.

On Thursday, the Minnesota House is going to vote on legalizing gay marriage. And while I'm not positive how it'll go, the odds are pretty good that it'll pass. And then it'll probably pass the Senate. And if that happens, Dayton will definitely sign it, and Minnesota will join the ranks of the civilized-in-this-one-area-at-least.

In fact, I'm confident enough to pre-gloat, because if it doesn't happen this year, there's always next year. So let's put the Minnesotan opponents of gay marriage front and center in this week's "IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THING!

"They cite old 'gay gene' studies predominantly conducted by researchers who are homosexuals; studies that have been repudiated by credible research. Yet these same biased and discredited studies have been widely publicized by the liberal media as true and factual. They essentially practice Joseph Goebel’s Nazi philosophy of propaganda, which is basically this: Tell a lie long enough and loud enough and eventually most mindless Americans will believe it." - Talking point from Minnesota for Marriage's "Sermon Starter", meant to help tax-dodging pastors get involved in politics.

This is patently ridiculous. We've been saying being gay isn't a choice for decades, and yet most mindless Americans still think it's a choice. So Goebbels clearly had a flawed theory. Probably more than one flawed theory, what with him being a Nazi and all.

So what do we do when a bunch of halfwits who reject science in general claim that legitimate studies on the origins of sexual orientation are "old" and "researched by a bunch of fag scientists", while citing one single gay parenting study that's been debunked so hard everyone in the journal that published it got a concussion? Clearly, teach the controversy.

"When we’re talking about gay marriage, we’re not talking about an immutable characteristic like the color of your skin. Okay? The human genome map was completed in 2003. There is no gay gene. Okay? So the concept that you’re born that way and it’s an immutable characteristic is an unscientific lie." - Glenn Gruenhagen, who will probably be voting against gay marriage in the House tomorrow.

Hear that, folks? That's fuckin' SCIENCE. Anything you didn't happen to see the Human Genome Project announcing they found an entire gene for in the last decade? That shit is a stone cold choice.

By the way, while the human genome project was "completed" in 2003, my admittedly brief (but more thorough than Gruenhagen's, so I win) research tells me that the genetic understanding of skin color isn't as cut, dry, or settled as this outstate fuckstick seems to think it is. He's gonna hate it so much when he loses.

"Remember the downtown Tornado a few years ago when the "supposed" Lutherans were deciding this issue a few blocks away from the meeting...a mere coincidence or a warning?" - Newspaper comment thread poster "dighollywood", because I wanted to keep it local.

Tell you what. I'm gonna put my money on "coincidence", you put your money on "warning". Then you can spend the rest of your life fearing God's clumsy, poorly-aimed retribution on the off chance you happen to live a block or two away from a gay-married couple.

Me, I'll just be happy. And I'll be happier the sadder you are. Which may not be pure Christian kindness, but that's OK. I'm not a pure Christian guy.