Half Measures

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Memo to Tony Perkins, Saxby Chambliss, and Michele Bachmann: SOMEDAY, YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE GETTING NOW.

Let's say you have a group of people who insist on everything. And you try to deal with them by giving them something. You know what you end up with? Nothing. That's the driving principle behind, well, the first two-thirds of this week's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"Boy Scouts’ Decision Another Casualty of Moral Compromise" - Tony Perkins, Family Research Council.

Tony Perkins is right, but for the wrong reasons and in the wrong direction, which means he gets to stay wrong. What the Boy Scouts did is say you could be an openly gay Boy Scout, but troop leaders and scoutmasters have to be straight.

This is, in many ways, a worse decision than the full ban was, because the full ban could be blamed on mindless, blind bigotry. The new policy, on the other hand, appears to be predicated entirely on the idea of adult gay men as pedophilic sexual predators. Plus, it's a move to appease the Tony Perkinses of the world, which worked exactly as well as you'd expect.

"The President’s speech today will be viewed by terrorists as a victory. Rather than continuing successful counterterrorism activities, we are changing course with no clear operational benefit." - Senator Saxby Chambliss, who is the one it takes to know one when it comes to no clear operational benefit.

Similarly, Barack Obama gave a speech recently in which he outlined some fractional baby steps he'd like to take, but probably won't take, towards restoring sanity to the war on terror. You know, things like maybe seeing if we can let the innocent people in Gitmo leave Gitmo. And rescinding the President's authority to do anything he wants to anyone he wants as long as he can tie them to 9/11, which boils down to anyone with an "a" and an "l" in their name or a "9" and a "1" in their phone number.

We're still going to use flying death robots to arbitrarily assassinate American citizens, foreign terrorists, and anyone caught in the blast radius, but Obama insists he feels really bad about it, so that makes it OK. And the other stuff he's talking about he knows damn well will have to go through Congress, and therefore will never happen. And so, predictably, Republicans have decided to view these steps as utter capitulation to Obama's terrorist pals overseas. Because anything worth reacting to is clearly worth over-reacting to.

"And so it reminds me of the Shakespeare line: ‘Thou protestest too much.’ Didn’t you know this was going to happen? We knew it. That’s why we voted against this bill.” - Batshit Bachmann, botching the Bard.

This doesn't fit the theme, but I don't give a flying shit. I don't even give a shit that Bachmann's "no" vote on the sequester, which is what she's referring to here, was based on the cuts being too small.

No, I just love the thought process that went from "Shakespeare" to "olden times" to "Daffy Duck as Robin Hood", resulting in a quote that somehow manages to work in as many fake archaic words as the original quote, while incorporating NEITHER of the real archaic words in the actual quote. There is nothing funnier than anti-intellectual anti-intellects trying to look smart. It always goes awesomely.