I Read Them So You Don't Have To

« June 2013 »

Memo to the bottom half of the Internet: YOU ARE... I'LL GO WITH RACIST, BUT I HAVE OPTIONS.

Not a good day to be on the Internet. Half of my subset of Twitter is arguing about whether a creepy, joke-stealing youth pastor is actually a great guy because he's Christian. The other half is making me painfully aware of how much shit Lindy West is getting for saying on late night talk that comedians who make shitty, easy rape jokes might get some criticism for it. But those things are taking care of themselves quite nicely without my help.

On the other hand, a news story also hit yesterday morning that showed that, even though they USE marijuana at the same rate, black people are arrested for it four times as often as white people. This is an incontrovertibly shitty thing, and therefore, I knew that a large fraction of the Internet's ass would be defending and justifying it within moments. So today, a selection of Huffington Post commenters get the nod in IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"There is an easy solution to this. If you don't want to be arrested then don't possess weed." - "wthomas76".

Apparently, there's an even easier solution. If you don't want to be arrested, BE WHITE. A lot of people made a similar point which of course misses the point entirely. For every eight people, black and white, who smoke weed, three white dudes get away with it. That, as they say, is racist.

"How much of the disparity is related to race? Some to be sure but when I was white and poor (still white) and drove a rust bucket 78' Olds wagon I was pulled over and searched routinely, once at gun point. Being poor white tr4sh didn't bring me much privilege." - "humpfree".

So, which do you think will die first? Racism, or the use of a single anecdotal encounter to dismiss statistical reality? Trick question! They're inexorably intertwined, one supporting the other. And neither will ever die.

"Please. The authorities know what race has what drugs. Not labeling folks or being a racist, but they know who has the meth and the heroin." - "dhector".

Please. You know we weren't gonna get through this without at least one "I'm not racist, but..." quote. It's amazing how the study can be controlled for usage, yet everyone still KNOWS, in their white, white hearts, that black people love pot. After all, who's buying all those hip-hop records about the blunts? (Hint: white people who didn't get arrested for possession.)

"Perhaps more African Americans use marijuana than whites. I have no clue. This study is pointless without that data. Maybe I am wrong, but I would love to see some data before saying that use laws favor whites." - "jgeurian21"

The internet, ladies and gentlemen. The greatest source of information mankind has ever created, but it's also managed to redefine illiteracy. Never have so many written who could not read.

"You could just not consent to a search. If minorities don't understand their rights then it's their problem." - "CSFSUCKS".

Although, really, I could have attributed that quote to any white person with a vague memory of a civics class whose only interaction with police their entire life was a speeding ticket in 1993.

"Their role model is Snoop Dog so what do you expect?" - "cmk1967", which I believe is Pantone for "lily white".

So much racism and stupidity in eleven words. The assumption that all black people have one role model. The assumption that said role model is an outdated hip-hop artist who peaked two decades ago. The fact that he GOT said artist's name wrong and then SPELLED it wrong. And then blaming the victim. Impressively horrifying.