Three More Not Racists

« June 2013 »

Memo to Bill O'Reilly, Jim Gile, and Gloria Platko: YEAH, THAT'S RACIST.

Why do racists have to butt in on our territory? I mean, I'm not a racist*, and thus I identify as not racist. But then there are the racists. And they ALSO identify as non-racists, for obvious reasons. If only there were some way for them to reveal themselves, so that we'd all know who was who. Well, as long as IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS, we've at least got some hints.

"Because we had just won a hellacious war, white America was kind of united and standards of behavior were very similar. That unification made it easier for society to function." - Bill O'Reilly, explaining why premarital sex was kept thankfully quiet in the 50s.

Now, Bill O'Reilly has danced with the title of "racist" before. So he made sure to surround this statement about how the changes since the 50s improved the lives of minorities. But that kind of doesn't matter when you go on to essentially say things were better for white society because it was able to repress its less seemly elements.

Now, I can understand Bill O'Reilly's longing for a time when sexual proclivities were kept on the down low, instead of being used as the basis for large legal settlements. But when that longing translates into nostalgia for white societal unification, well, your inner racist just became your outer racist. Again.

“I am not a prejudiced person. I have built Habitat homes for colored people.” - Jim Gile, Kansas Republican commissioner, offering one of the top ten defenses in You Are Dumb history.

Why did people think this commissioner might be prejudiced? Because he was caught on tape explaining how the county should hire an architect instead of "nigger-rigging it". And then, when asked to clarify, Gile changed his comment to "Afro-Americanizing it".

Just a phrase he grew up with. Didn't mean any harm by it. Not a racist bone in his body. So many excuses. And I suppose, technically, neither the brain nor the mouth are bones, so I suppose they get a pass on that one. But it's 2013. It's really, really not that difficult to not fuck up when you mean to say "jury-rigging" and accuse an entire ethnic group of shoddy, half-assed workmanship. You know what makes someone not racist? TRYING HARDER.

"They’re trying to make it sound like a racial thing. It’s not a race thing. This was a private phone call that he recorded. This was directed toward one person. This was not directed toward a race or a group of people.” - Michigan township clerk and alleged Democrat Gloria Platko.

The thing they tried to make sound like a racial thing? A recording of a phone conversation in which she called black township supervisor Dwayne Parker a "nigger". They didn't have to try really hard to make it sound like a racial thing, honestly. Mostly on account of it being a racial thing, even if you only call one member of a race by a racial slur.

Platko also claimed not to have a discriminatory bone in her body, so I guess we should just judge racists by what they are on the inside, not the outward appearance they show the world. After all, it's what they do.

*Or, as not racist as I can be given my cultural heritage. But at least I recognize that.