Nothin' But A D Thang

« June 2013 »

Memo to Duane Cronic, Paul Broun, and Joe Barton: YOU ARE DUMB.

Bonus column day! I figured, with the E3 stuff yesterday, you might have forgotten that the people in charge of our society and your lives are a bunch of raving brain-dead lunatics. IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS ON SATURDAY!

"I likened it to a security sign that people put up in their front yards. Some people have security systems, some people don’t, but they put those signs up. I really felt like this ordinance was a security sign for our city.” - Duane Cronic, city councilman of Nelson, Georgia.

Duane Cronic, his senses blunted by twenty one years of Dr. Dre jokes, is explaining to a curious and troubled world why his town, the aforementioned Nelson, GA, has made gun ownership mandatory.

Now, even assuming that telling the world that everyone in your town has a gun is a good idea, which, actually, it is, just not for the reason Cronic thinks it is (tourists, be sure to stop for Subway at the NEXT town when driving through Georgia), the only way people are going to know about it is through the news stories where Duane Cronic flat-out admits they're not going to enforce it, so no more people are going to have guns than in any other small Georgia town. Oops.

"I don’t want to pay for a sex change operation. I’m not interested. I like being a boy." - Rep. Paul Broun, explaining why insurance shouldn't cover gender reassignment surgery.

Look for Paul Broun's new show, "I Like Being A Boy", featuring the smash hit "I Like Being A Boy", coming to a dinner theater out in the suburbs where you never go because everyone there is an old transphobic freak.

By the way, I guess the new rule is that the only things that get covered by medical insurance are things that help Paul Broun. Ladies, line up for your free prostate exams! Viagra and hair plugs for everyone! But no gender reassignment surgery because Paul Broun is inexplicably and inordinately fond of his penis.

"I would point out that if you're a believer in in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn't because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy." Rep. Joe Barton, dooming us all.

Why am I, an avowed atheist whose knowledge of world religion has been picked up solely through cultural osmosis, somehow better at theology than people who actually think the Great Flood happened?

I mean, the flood was allegedly sent to wipe out a sinful mankind. In other words, if mankind had mended their ways and behaved in a responsible manner, the flood wouldn't have been necessary. Which makes this a much, much worse parallel to draw about global warming than Barton thinks it is.

Good thing Barton represents Texas, which I'm sure is going to be totally immune from the effects of climate change. I mean, they're on the Gulf, subject to tornadoes, and largely arid as well! No way climate change could make any of that worse.