Mr. Jackson If You're Nasty

« June 2013 »

Memo to E.W. Jackson: WELCOME TO THE FOLD.

It's always exciting when we can introduce a new luminary into the You Are Dumb Dot Net fold. And today, we have a doozy. We have a man that Ken Cuccinelli is trying to distance himself from as he runs for governor of Virginia. Distance himself from the conservative positions of, in fact. In other words, a wingnut so nutty that Ken "Sodomy Should Be Illegal Again"Cuccinelli thinks he might hurt his chances to become governor of Virginia.

That man? Virginia candidate for lieutenant governor, E.W. Jackson.

See, apparently, in Virginia, the governor and his running mate are chosen through two separate primaries. So Cooch finds himself in the completely unexpected and hilariously ironic position of being stuck with a rabidly right-wing politician ruining his life. It is to laugh, since, you know. I don't live in Virginia.

How rabid is Jackson? Oh, you're gonna love this. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"The purpose of such meditation is to empty oneself. [Satan] is happy to invade the empty vacuum of your soul and possess it. Beware of systems of spirituality which tell you to empty yourself. You will end up filled with something you probably do not want." - Jackson, regarding yoga, in his book "Ten Commandments to an Extraordinary Life".

A few things to keep in mind. First, E.W. Jackson believes in Satanic possession. Second, he thinks it's the result of yoga, and not, as we all know, caused by wishing Jay Baruchel would die. And third, Jackson self-published this book in 2008, and spelled "Commandments" with one "m" on the cover.

He also thinks that Planned Parenthood has been worse for black people than the Ku Klux Klan, that they are, in fact, guilty of genocide, that their partners in genocide are the Democratic Party and the civil rights movement. He thinks Harry Reid is a fake Mormon, federal disaster relief is unconstitutional, and Barack Obama has a "Muslim perspective".

In other words, he's yet another Republican who's spent years believing every crazy-ass thing he saw in a forwarded chain e-mail, and now he's taking all that knowledge and using it in a run for public office. It's no shock that Jackson identifies with the Tea Party. Well, it's a little shocking, 'cause he's black, but other than that, it's exactly their M.O.

Of course, now Jackson is in the midst of a careful dance, trying to find ways to rephrase his crazy so that he doesn't get in trouble while making sure all the crazy people who got him into this race to begin with stick by his side. Which is why he spent the weekend at the Faith and Freedom Coalition shouting about how gay people are stealing all the freedom from persecuted Christians. Because that's a message that America accepts.