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Memo to David Vitter, Stuart Rothenberg, and Warner Brothers: YOU ARE DUMB.

Even though a surprisingly low percentage of this week's news didn't involve Lil Za, there was still more news this week than I could handle in the space available. Which is one of the reasons I tend to devote my Friday space to smaller items, increasing the overall density of stupidity and decreasing the stockpiles of unmocked dumb clogging our nation's infrastructure. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

The War On The Poor continues, not that that's any kind of surprise. The latest salvo appears to be a Republican version of Cards Against Humanity, called Cards Against Certain Subsets Of Humanity. David Vitter drew the "Photo ID" card, which is supposed to match best with the "[BLANK] is the best way to keep minorities from voting" card, and instead paired it with "Hey, let's force those food stamp moochers to [BLANK] to get their food."

Yes, Vitter wants poor people to have and show a voter ID every time they buy food with food stamps, because fuck you, you're poor. The official reason, as far as I can tell, is the word "fraud", because requiring ID is the only way to stop "fraud". It's as true for food stamps as it is for voting.

On the upside, because this is Vitter, people buying diapers will be allowed to obscure their identity as much as they want.


STOP SAYING "LYNCHING" TO DESCRIBE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO WHITE PEOPLE.

As rules go, it's really not that difficult to follow. Especially if, say, you're writing some kind of self-published "political report" that bears your name and pretending you have some sort of fucking legitimacy, like Roll Call's Stuart Rothenberg.

Rothenberg decided to ask if the Chris Christie investigation was turning into a political lynching, in a paragraph that started with the caveats that all the facts weren't in, Christie might be lying, and other investigations might show even worse things going on.

In other words, in Rothenberg's eyes, a complete lack of punishment amidst investigation of possible wrongdoing is a "political lynching", because a careful, reasoned approach prior to punishment is one of the chief hallmarks of a lynching, I guess.

All he had to do was not say lynching. Then he could have just been another vapid gasbag punditing out his own ass, instead of an incredibly tone-deaf and offensive vapid gasbag pundit.


They're making a movie out of Magic: The Gathering, because of course they are, and also because apparently Warner Brothers thinks it's 1998. Fans and casual viewers alike will thrill at the exploits of protagonist... er...

Still, I'm sure modern computer graphics will be able to bring such classic Magic: The Gathering moments to life such as... and that classic story where...

Look, I have the same box of cards in the back of the closet the rest of you middle-aged nerds have, and the same ability not to think about the money we spent on them back in the day, too. And you know what I don't need? Any of that brought to the silver screen. For fuck's sake, we're coming up on the 20th anniversary of the awful idea to publish NOVELS about the card game. Santayana was right.