The Depths Of The Depths

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Memo to Dick Cheney, Steve (Not That One) Martin, and Alec (Yes That One) Baldwin: YOU ARE DUMB.

Awful people. Awful, awful people. Everywhere. Awful people everywhere. So many awful people I have to deal with them three at a time. IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"And I think the whole thing is not driven by any change in world circumstances, it’s driven by budget considerations. He’d much rather spend the money on food stamps than he would on a strong military or support for our troops." - Dick Cheney, who apparently exists for the sole purpose of being the second half of the "[BLANK] is dead, and Dick Fucking Cheney is still alive?" construction.

Today, by the way, it's Harold Ramis.

Good thing Dick Cheney isn't poor, because the bag of dicks he desperately needs to eat aren't covered by SNAP. Food stamps allow people to eat, keeping them alive. The military allows people to blow up, making them not alive. Dick Cheney acting like the latter is preferable to the former is the clearest example to date of the current political dichotomy.

Also, RoboHeart, I can't help but point out that changing world circumstances was the entire point of all the Middle Eastern wars you and your PNAC buddies started with the military you pretend to love so much. So if there hasn't been a change in world circumstances, then the last two decades of your existence are a fucking failure and a lie. Choke on that.

“I don't expect to be in the room or will I do anything to prevent you from obtaining a contraceptive. However, once a child does exist in your womb, I'm not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child's host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn't want it." - Virginia Republican Steve Martin, who is really more of a crazy guy than a wild guy, on Facebook.

Much like Todd Akin and "legitimate rape", this will be plea-bargained down to unfortunate phrasing. Inartful, even. Why, Martin, a member of the state Senate, has already edited the post to change "child's host" to "bearer of the child", which I think you'll agree makes the sentence hilariously awkward.

But as with Akin, there's a huge difference between inartfully describing your position, and describing your inartful position. Martin says everyone's misinterpreting his sarcasm, that it's the pro-abortion people that see women as "hosts", but that doesn't make any goddamn sense. Which is why he probably believes it.

Martin has, in the past, supported making the fetus a person, which comes entirely at the expense of the personhood of the woman. If pro-choice advocates are "guilty" of dehumanizing anything, it's a lump of cells that's genetically human but non-sapient. Like state senators.

“There’s a way I could have done things differently. I know that. If I offended anyone along the way, I do apologize. But the solution for me now is: I’ve lived this for 30 years, I’m done with it.” - Alec Baldwin, announcing his withdrawal from "public life".

Baldwin made this statement near the end of his groundbreaking attempt to redefine tl;dr for the modern age. I mean, I liked Baldwin a LOT in 30 Rock. When ranking Baldwins, even the unrelated ones like Adam, Alec ranks, or ranked, near the top. But if you're not going to be a decent normal fucking human being, shut your goddamned mouth.

He mentioned empathy for Shia LeBeouf, which is appropriate, because they have the same exact problem. When they fuck up, it's never "I'm sorry I fucked up. Let me try to fix it." It's skywriting or a performance art installation or a goddamned web novella, the thesis of which is "I'm sorry that you think I fucked up. Here's why you're wrong."

There's a word for people like that. The word is asshole. And I don't have time for assholes, even when they're aligned with me politically. Especially then, come to think of it.