Another Fucking Wednesday

« July 2014 »

Memo to Erick Erickson, Joy Pinto, and Vance McAllister: ONLY ONE OF YOU ISN'T WORKED UP ENOUGH ABOUT SEX.

This week brought us what may be the single greatest decision in the history of the Roberts court: that corporations with strong religious beliefs can't be forced by the government to provide services to employees who may not share those beliefs if the corporation objects to those services. But not any religion, just fundamentalist Christianity, and not any service, just fucking-related services like contraception. They were very clear on this, in a way that shows a weird view of constitutionality and legal precedent. But if they want to limit their ruling to sex, I can limit IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS to it.

"My religion trumps your 'right' to employer-subsidized, consequence-free sex.” - Good old Erick Erickson, who, to be fair, is probably bitter because all the sex he has carries with it at least one consequence. Disappointment.

Erick Erickson's god says you can't fuck without making babies. So you don't get to fuck without making babies. Because freedom. Not your freedom, of course. Just his freedom to restrict your freedom, because that's the free-est freedom of all.

Of course, consequence-free sex is the best thing ever. It's great personally. And more importantly, it's great for society, because, well, society is largely made up of the consequences of sex. And consequences that grow up in stable households that planned and prepared for those consequences generally make for a better society than the spawn of repressed, trapped women with no control over their lives. Like, I'd expect, Erick Erickson.

"This is the war on women! We are telling them — and it’s available! And so they can go to the pharmacy and get it! This is the war on women! There is a war on women, but we’re not waging it. It’s coming from the pit of hell, like it did in the book of Genesis.” - Christian radio host Joy Pinto on contraception.

Of course Joy Pinto doesn't need contraception. She's got a name that literally means "explodes with ecstasy when rammed in the trunk." But not all of us can be that lucky, Joy.

You know how I can tell the Hobby Lobby decision was wrong? It made people like Joy Pinto, who think contraception comes from the pit of hell, happy. I mean, I don't like Walgreen's either, but I think "pit of hell" is a bit much. A truly utopian society would make Joy Pinto miserable. And would film it. And make it available for free streaming right after the new season of Community.

"Without a doubt this decision comes after much thought and prayer. This district has been home to me and my family all of my life. I know the needs of this congressional district very well. I also know that this district needs a strong, conservative voice in Congress" - Louisiana congressman Vance McAllister, suddenly remembering that when he cheated on his wife with a campaign staffer, nobody was wearing diapers.

You remember McAllister. The one who got caught not realizing there were security cameras in stairwells? And so chose a stairwell to get his mack on? And who decided that he wouldn't resign, but he wouldn't run for re-election either, even though he's in the state that re-elected David Vitter? Yeah. He's running again.

As always, I don't have an issue with adulterous politicians. I have an issue with adulterous politicians who rely on the moral flexibility of people who pretend to be morally inflexible in order to keep their political power, fuck around to their dick's content, and still claim to be "strong conservatives". You cheer when the Supreme Court makes us all live by your rules? Then fucking well live by your own.