Unworthy To Hold Their Own Hammers

« July 2014 »

Memo to the Big Hollywood readership: YOU ARE DUMB, BUT CONVENIENT.

Sometimes, even I need a break from the relentless march of horribleness and stupidity. For example, the big news today was that Israel is officially our sister nation when it comes to getting a pass for accidentally bomb-murdering children. That was fun to watch play out.

Which is why I am eternally grateful for the readership of Big Hollywood, who can reliably be counted on to lose their shit in the most hilariously ignorant fashion whenever they're presented with a bit of pop culture news they think signifies an all-out assault on everything they hold dear.

And this week, they were already primed for action by the news that the Death of Archie wouldn't just be the death of Archie, it would be Archie taking a bullet for his best friend, a Riverdale teen who grows up to be a gay, pro-gun-control senator. I mean, even I think that's a bit much, but as wingnut-trolling, it doesn't get much more effective.

And so, a day or so later, when Marvel announced that a penisless, vagina-toting second-class citizen would be taking up the hammer and mantle of The Mighty Thor, it was the straw that broke the camel's toe. ACTUAL QUOTES TIME!

"Boy you know a thing is dead when the lefty revisionists have got a hold of it, like buzzards picking over a corpse. The NFL may be next, with the Redskins logo soon to replaced with a pic of two dudes making out and tackling soon to be replaced with two-hand touch." - "Ned McFury",

Yep, clearly, within a few years, the lefty revisionists will kill both superheroes and football, leaving people who like their entertainment like they secretly like their porn (men only), to turn to more obscure masculine things like testicle rugby and Slut-Shaming for Dollars.

"I realize the Marvel mythos is pretty far from Norse mythology, but as a descendant of the vikings I'm a little outraged by this regardless.” - "Douglass".

Odd that the mild outrage fueled by Douglass' incredibly diluted Viking blood wasn't triggered at any other time in Thor's Marvel history, from his origins as a limping intellectual doctor, to the time he was a frog, or the time he was, as far as I can tell, a 70s Roman barbarian in The Incredible Hulk Returns. Also not troubling - the claim over three movies that his "ancestors" were rubes who mistook space aliens for gods. But I suppose the doctor, the frog, the barbarian, and the space aliens all had wangs.

"Obviously, Marvel has bought the whole PC gender-bender/homosexual agenda. It wasn't that long ago that people could be arrested for promoting homosexuality to kids. But the liberals think promoting homosexuality and trying to confuse the sexuality of kids is "progress." Yea, progress towards total destruction." - "swg2014b", with the most unique usage of the word "obviously" I've ever seen.

Given how this is actually playing out in the comics, I can only assume that any time a man quits his job and a woman is hired to replace him, it's part of the liberal genderbending agenda to turn kids gay by confusing their sexuality, leading to the destruction of society. Which sounds like a joke based on taking a principle and extending it to an absurd level, but I wouldn't actually be surprised if "swg" felt this way.

"More destruction of our European roots." - "RegularRon"

Just wanted to make sure none of you doubted that at least one person could put a white supremacist spin on this. DOUBT NO MORE.