Once More Unto The Breach

« July 2014 »

Memo to Michele Bachmann: THREE FOR THE ROAD?

This week, ThinkProgress, a site I rely upon fairly often, fell for a fake story that Michele Bachmann wanted to put all the immigrant children into "Americanization camps". Now, with Batshit Bachmann leaving office in January, I'm running out of opportunities to remind you why ThinkProgress found that story completely believable. Here's a hint. She's an IDIOT who SAYS THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running. They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run." - Bachmann, to Real Clear Politics, one of the few outlets that wouldn't burst out laughing when they heard it.

I can actually generate a logic chain that would lead a reasonable person to believe that Bachmann might run in 2016. It goes a little like this. Bachmann's last presidential run was a dismal failure that made her a national laughingstock with the apparent exception of 51% of the 6th District. Michele Bachmann has shown no evidence that she's capable of learning, therefore, there's no reason for her not to run again.

But nobody can say that on a pundit panel, and since no reasonable person would expect another reasonable person to do what Bachmann did once, much less twice, they're not speculating that she might run. But maybe she will. And maybe my 2015 columns will be a hell of a lot easier to write.

"The Republican party has willingly blinded its eyes to the grand jihad and the strategy of the Islamists. We have engaged in this false dichotomy of the so-called moderate Muslim groups,” - Bachmann, to Breitbart News, another one of those few outlets.

You know, I'm sure Bachmann and the other Islamophobes in the wingnut end of the GOP look at ISIS, or ISIL, or IS, or whatever in Iraq as proof of their worst possible fears. I mean, they've actually declared that they're establishing that bugaboo of the far-right, THE CALIPHATE.

But here's the thing. The most radical Muslims in the entire world had to go to a pair of destablized countries deep in the Middle East, already full of some fairly radical Muslims, and take portions of them over by force with the support of an oppressed population. And with all that, they've been able to establish a very small, very unstable "caliphate" and pissed off pretty much the entire world, including the moderate Muslims Bachmann denies the existence of. So the odds of one showing up in even Dearborn, MI are, as we all knew already, nonexistent.

"They want to abolish age of consent laws, which means children would…we would do away with statutory rape laws so that adults will be able to freely prey on little children sexually. That’s the deviance that we’re seeing embraced in our culture today." - Bachmann, on the "Faith and Liberty" radio show, which doesn't even count as a fucking media outlet, if you ask me.

It's important to point out... you know what? It's not actually important to point out that no, this isn't happening. Of course it isn't happening. If it were happening, we'd hear about it from sane people on real news, not crazy people on "Faith and Liberty".

Also, people want a lot of things that aren't possible. See above regarding Bachmann and the presidency. But when people want something that would be insane and harmful, see above regarding Bachmann and the presidency, generally speaking, the larger majority of people step in and say "No, we won't be doing that, thanks." See above regarding Bachmann and the presidency. I'm sure any attempt to repeal age of consent laws would meet the same fate as Bachmann's candidacy, even in the Deep South.