Scrawny Bits

« September 2014 »

Memo to Grover Norquist, Peter King, and Kimberly Guilfoyle: YOU ARE SPECIAL DUMB.

As the header says, a mix of impending travel, the holiday weekend, and general busy-ness means a couple of weeks of possibly more infrequent posting, though I am going to try to up my Twitter game to make up for it a bit. In the meantime, let's get some content up with a quick and dirty IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"Okay, I did not know that. Is that a recent slang?” - Grover Norquist, at Burning Man, being etymologically educated subsequent to being offered a taint wash.

Now, you may well ask, what the fuck is Grover Norquist doing at Burning Man? Well, the answer is, he's a taint. By which I do not mean a perineum, but rather a right-wing glibertarian. They taint about liberty and they taint about freedom. They're a bunch of taints.

They're about liberty from taxes and freedom from, well, taxes. And they think, by going to Burning Man, they can convince a bunch of people who are about liberty from clothes and freedom from weed prosecution to vote for Republicans because liberty and freedom. As you can see from the above quote, it's going swimmingly. He's really connecting with the youth.

"When you have the world watching … a week, two weeks of anticipation of what the United States is gonna do. For him to walk out —I'm not trying to be trivial here— in a light suit, light tan suit, saying that first he wants to talk about what most Americans care about the revision of second quarter numbers on the economy." - New York's Peter King, part of a right-wing hissy fit about a tan suit. A TAN SUIT.

If you're wondering why Obama no longer gives a shit how often he's seen playing golf, this is why. He can't actually tell everyone to fuck off, or publicly get too upset over the ridiculous lengths Republicans will go to in order to talk shit about him, so he appears to just no longer give a fuck. It'd be nice if he channeled his exit behavior more productively, but hell, you can't blame him. TAN SUIT.

Tan Suit is weakness, see. You wouldn't catch Vladimir Putin wearing a tan suit. He'd wear a bear pelt and a twelve-inch codpiece and seriously, why the fuck hasn't the weird, erotic hate-love relationship with Russia's dictatorial leader given his wingnut admirers-cum-critics full-blown cognitive dissonance aneurysms yet? It is the weirdest fucking phenomenon in modern politics right now. He must be stopped and we need a president just like him.

"Look, men are going to be that way. What can you do?” - Fox host Kimberly Guilfoyle, on catcalling.

Here's what you can do. You can do what we've been doing since the dawn of civilization toward behaviors that are ingrained, but that we want to stop. You create consequences that discourage the behavior. Legal consequences for men who are going to be that stealing way or that killing way. Social consequences for men who are going to be that racist way or that walking-around-with-their-nuts-hanging-out-of-their-shorts-way.

It's really simple, and it works great, once enough of society can be convinced that visible scrotae, racism, murder, or yes, catcalling is actually a shitty thing to do. Not to mention that it operates on the same principle as penis-enlargement e-mail scams - casting a wide, obnoxious net in the hopes of stumbling across the fraction of a fraction of a percent stupid enough to respond positively. The only difference is which side of the scam the tiny dick is on.