The Derpster! The Derpinator!

« September 2014 »

Memo to terror liars, Rob Schneider, and salute fetishists: YOU ARE DUMB.

Some forms of stupidity are persistent. Evergreen, if you will. Governments inflating terrorist threats, celebrities who somehow think that if we all just stop taking vaccines, we'll be immortal instead of much more quickly mortal, and, of course, finding mindless fault with Barack Obama. Will they ever stop? Probably not for thousands more SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAYS!

So, yesterday, I made a joke at the expense of the Obama administration's hype of its bombing of the heretofore unknown terrorists Khorasan that allegedly disrupted an IMMINENT ATTACK ON THE HOMELAND. Or Europe. Or something. It seemed a bit implausible, but part of me felt bad about writing it, because what if it were true?

Well, a day later, and there are numerous reports that the plot was, as so many of these plots are, "aspirational", meaning they wanted to, so they're bad, but they couldn't really pull it off, so they weren't dangerous. Cynics! Never disappointed, rarely surprised.

Hey, everyone! Pity party at Rob Schneider's place! Having somehow failed to win America's hearts with a shitty sitcom full of cultural stereotypes he claimed a right to by marriage, has now lost a choice gig just because of his ludicrous anti-vaccine views.

The gig was with State Farm, who admittedly have a lot to lose if we all die of rubella. They were using him in his 25-year-old SNL schtick as "the Richmeister", which you'd think would be more embarrassing for all involved than conspiracy theories about the CDC falsifying data and calling pro-vaccination lawmakers "Nazis". Well, OK. Maybe not more embarrassing. But it's pretty fucking close. Schneider, of course, feels that free speech is dead, but it turns out it's just equal to the freedom not to associate with Rob Schneider.

You know what nobody gives two shits about? Whether you have a cup in your hand when you salute when you get off a plane. Well, OK, not nobody. If you're a drill instructor, you're allowed to care. If you're not a drill instructor, and you still care, just shut the fuck up.

The saluter, of course, was Barack Obama, and the carers, of course, were the usual gang of tan-suit apology tour bow-to-foreigners BENGHAZI fuckwits who count Barack Obama's blinks in the hopes of finding secret messages to his Sharia brethren. I don't understand how they can keep doing this without exhausting themselves. Most childish tantrums don't last eight years.