The Latest Only Way To Be Sure

« October 2014 »

Memo to wingnut Ebola theorists: IT'S ALL TRUE.

And really, when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. How else would a private, for-profit hospital in the middle of Texas end up with lax contagion protocols leading to nurses being exposed to ebola? Why else has the brilliant idea of closing off all of Africa to air travel been met with such "derision" by "experts" who say it'll only make things "worse"? Something's up.

And really, when it comes to ebola, who should you trust? A politician, or a doctor? I'd go with the doctor. And luckily, Fox has one on call. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"His affinities, his affiliations are with them [Africa], not us. We don’t have a president who has the American people as his primary interest, who believes the country has Manifest Destiny and has been a force for good." - the insightful, reliable Keith Ablow.

Exactly. Obama, as a black man, has an affinity and affiliation with Africans, who are black, and not Americans, who as we all know, have been white ever since Manifest Destiny, which is a force for good, made damn sure all Americans were white. And that's why he's going to let you get ebola. And that's why he's allowed the cases of ebola in the United States to leap to nearly .04% of the cases in his beloved Africa. That's just math.

Which is a shame, because as Ablow points out, Americans only voted for Obama in order to appease our enemies.

"Why would you attack us? We're not even voting for somebody who likes us. This guy, who has names very similar to two of our archenemies, Osama, well, Obama. And Hussein. Hussein. Surely you won't attack us now because we've got a shield here of a guy who, as the leader of our country says we're bad.'"

Now, I know that technically, we were talking about ebola and Africa, and not the Middle East and terrorism, but to a medical mind like Ablow's, it's all one and the same, so the point still stands. Ebola is attacking the United States even though we elected a guy whose name sounds sort of like the most common transliteration of Osama bin Laden. And if you think those are the ravings of a madman, just go about your normal business, thinking Obama doesn't want you to get ebola.

But if you're as right in the head as Dr. Keith Ablow, there's really only one thing to do to keep yourself and your family safe from getting ebola from Obama. And no, it's not an open-carry AR-15. That's a good thought, but despite the pictures you see on the news, ebola is very, very small, and you'd have to be a crack shot to hit the virus.

No, your only real option is full-body HAZMAT suits whenever you're out in public. We already know the CDC director is lying about how easily ebola is transmitted, and now we know that Obama wants Americans to get it, so wearing a HAZMAT suit in public every second of every day is not only the reasonable choice, it's the only sane one.

Plus, you'll be able return the favor of laughing at liberals when their trust in science and basic logic leads to them writhing on the ground spraying blood out of both ends while you're safe in your protective gear. Just hang in there. It may take months or years, but it'll all be worth it.