Empathy-Resistant Stapp Infection

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Memo to Scott Stapp: THANKS FOR THE WORDS.

A less skeptical man might call it a miracle. Here I am with a research pile full of old shit and Ferguson, and lo and behold, like a light from the heavens, Scott Stapp, former front-man for former Jesus-tinged rock band Creed, burst forth into my RSS feed. So I think today would be a great day for some Stappenfreude.

First came the news that he was broke, which led to what I thought was a particularly good joke of mine on Twitter, that basically hinged on Stapp's religious views and the dual meaning of the word "saves" to make a point about fiscal prudence. This is the kind of shit you're missing out on if you're ignoring my Twitter feed.

Now, some of you are more sensitive souls than I am. And some of you didn't feel the terror of sitting in the Target Center during an early-2000's Smackdown taping while the crowd unironically sang along with "With Arms Wide Open". So you might need a bit more convincing that it's OK to kick Scott Stapp when he's down. Well, that's why we have ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"In 2012, I was doing a promotional tour for my book, Sinner's Creed. I went on Fox News, I expressed a little concern and disappointment with President Obama. Well, within two months of that statement, the IRS began to freeze my accounts. I believe that the IRS situation is definitely a result of me expressing my dissatisfaction with President Obama. Absolutely, 100 percent. When my assets were frozen, I wasn't able to pay my mortgage." - Stapp, on Canadian radio, an odd place for a penniless Holiday Inn resident, but whatever.

Oh, Scott, do you really think that appeal to the tinfoil hat crowd will hold up? I mean, if only there were a long history of singers and entertainers and celebrities, both actively working ones and past-their-prime hangers-on like Stapp with accounting and tax problems we could look at as a much more likely explanation than Obama being upset about someone on Fox News talking shit about him.

And I went back and looked, and he really did only express a bit of disappointment in Obama. He said he was supporting Romney, and said it was hard to trust Obama a second time. Obama, clearly furious that the defection of Creed's lead singer would swing the election, froze Stapp's assets before President Romney could give Stapp the Presidential Medal of Rockin' Freedom.

Of course, the whole thing is also part and parcel with a messy divorce and, depending on which reports you read, between one and two requests for an involuntary psychiatric hold. Which is sad; mental health issues and chemical abuse problems are serious problems, and all that being said, no, really, fuck Scott Stapp, because even amongst all that he tried to turn the unfortunate posting of some videos on Facebook calling attention to his current condition into a MIGHTY STRUGGLE OF MARTYRDOM.

"I'm going to step back and let God control everything from here on. I should have continued to do that before I allowed my hurt, frustration, and emotions take control and post those videos... This is a test of faith, and I will never give up or lose my faith. No matter what." - Stapp, really putting the structural weight limits of that cross to the test.

Wait, God wasn't controlling everything when you posted those videos, but he is now? Theology is weird.