Repub Racism Recap

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Memo to Republicans: HOW'S THAT AUTOPSY WORKING OUT AGAIN?

The attention span in American politics is microscopic, and everything right now is Kentucky clerks, the Iran deal, and MSNBC's weird new Joe Biden fetish. But even though I didn't get to explore it in detail before the winds changed, I wanted to highlight the incredible nativist turn the race took a couple of weeks back.

I mean, this has already been one of the most xenophobic primaries I can remember, and it's especially hilarious considering that after the 2012 election, Republicans decided their problem was a lack of minority outreach. I guess they forgot to explain that it doesn't count as "reaching out" if it ends in a slap.

So let me take you back to about three weeks ago. To set the scene, we'd just finished our weeklong Republican symposium entitled "Birthright Citizenship: Fuck That", followed by a short panel on "Anchor Babies: Asian Or Mexican?" And that was bad. But it somehow got worse.

Scott Walker kicked things off, by saying ISIS was waging war against "even the handful of reasonable, moderate followers of Islam". Handful? One of his spokespeople walked it back later, but I think we should give more weight to what they say live to a crowd, instead of what they say later when we ask them if they really meant that.

Walker also reacted to a temporary blip in the American stock market by saying we should turn away the Chinese president from a state dinner, because our stock drop followed a Chinese stock drop. Which is madness. I mean, they didn't even do anything this time. The stock market bounced back because nobody knows how stocks work and it's all run by borderline sentient computers anyway. Is the Walker foreign policy going to call for creating a diplomatic incident every time he stubs his toe?

Here's a fun fact. Remember when Chris Christie suggested we track LEGAL immigrants using the same methodology FedEx uses, and everyone was all like, "um, FedEx puts a barcode on things and then scans the barcode everywhere they go, is that what you meant, because that kind of sounds like a Nazi thing when you do it to people", and Christie didn't bother clarifying or responding in any way? Well, you know what political price he paid for that? None. I mean, I know it's tough to extract a political price from a guy currently polling at 1% who thinks that means he's still running for President, but still.

And the hits keep coming. Bobby Jindal said we should insist that immigrants "adopt our values", then punted when he asked which values they were, panicked, said something barely coherent about Europe, then went into that part of his stump speech where he says "we're not African-Americans or Asian-Americans, we're just Americans", which we all know is him really saying "YOU CAN VOTE FOR ME I'M NOT REALLY INDIAN". It is, of course, not working, as evidenced by your surprise that Bobby Jindal is still running and that I decided to mention something he said.

And then, of course, Trump, who continued his war on John Ellis Bush Exclamation Point Bush by criticizing him for campaigning in Spanish. "Speak English" is the mating call of the American nativist, and Trump knows that audience better than anyone. That's why he's the darling of Stormfront. But the way things are going, I think the white supremacists will be happy with whoever wins the nomination. Well, almost whoever.