Happy First Neckboom!

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Memo to Rick Perry: YOU ARE BOOM.

Just a reminder - I didn't dub the 2016 GOP field the "Suicide Squad" because they'd all make it to the end happy and successful. I remind you this because the first candidate's metaphorical bomb collar has exploded, severing their metaphorical head from their metaphorical body. Ladies and gentlemen, a moment of silence for the presidential hopes of Rick Perry.

How bad was Rick Perry's campaign? Here's a hint; The most memorable part of his campaign was all the clips of his 2012 campaign where he fucked up during the debate. Oops. The second most memorable part of his campaign was, of course, his fake-ass smart glasses.

When Rick Perry donned his big ol' hipster glasses in an attempt to convey a smart image instead of the doofus who couldn't remember what three Cabinet level departments he'd elimintate as president, it was such an obvious, transparent move that even Donald Trump noticed it. Speaking of whom, Donald Trump was singled out by Perry as he ended his campaign. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"The answer to a president nominated for soaring rhetoric and no record is not to nominate a candidate whose rhetoric speaks louder than his record. It is not to replicate the Democrat model of selecting a president, falling for the cult of personality over durable life qualities."

In other words, one of Rick Perry's final actions as a presidential candidate was to blame Barack Obama for Donald Trump. Rick Perry also warned Republicans against being nativist, racist assholes (blaming Obama for that, too) before presumably retuning to his Niggerhead Ranch for a long-overdue vacation.

Farewell, Rick Perry. Your douchiness won't be forgotten. Or missed.