American Exceptionalism At Its Finest

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Memo to America's gun conversation, America's Middle East policy conversation, and Jud McMillan: YOU ARE DUMB.

America! Nobody shoots each other like we do, nobody destabilizes the Middle East like we do, and nobody ironically self-destructs like we do. American exceptionlism is the theme of today's slightly belated, deferred-by-a-too-close-tragedy, SPASTIC TOPIC MONDAY FRIDAY!

Another nutjob with an arsenal, another mass shooting, and another round of the three-day "sensible gun regulation" / "FREEDUMB!" argument leading to inaction. Since 10 adult community college students aren't as heartwrenching as 20 elementary school children, so I'm not sure why we're even bothering to have the argument. Considering both the GOP frontrunner and the guy everyone thought was gonna be the frontrunner both took the position that "hey, live in the greatest country in the world, there's a chance you'll be randomly murdered by an insane person",

But hey, good news! The Oregon sheriff in charge of the mass shooting investigation had to remove a Facebook post over the weekend where he reposted a video that called the Sandy Hook mass shooting a hoax. And is associated with a lot of very fringy gun-nut groups, because, well, rural fucking Oregon. On the upside, now that reporting on these types of things is incredibly irresponsible, everyone got to hear at least one false or semi-false thing about the shooting that allowwed them to reach a politically comfortable if factually iffy conclusion within roughly 30 minutes of the shooting. American exceptionalism at its finest!


In other news, we're very upset with Russia right now, because Vladimir Putin had the gall to exert his country's military power to try to influence the Middle East, specifically by engaging in airstrikes in Syria. This is, of course, the action of an insane global madman, and nothing like what America is doing. Well, except to the people on the ground, who just see all their shit exploding without knowing which side is responsible, but still.

Alll sarcasm aside, there is one key difference between America's freedombombing in Syria and Russia's tyrannybombing. Putin is bombing in service of a clear, defined goal - support for Syria's leader, Bashar al-Assad. Assad's a dirty piece of work, no doubt about it, and the moral case for supporting him is a very shaky one indeed. But there's also ample recent historical evidence that whatever needs to be done to make these countries safe and stable after removing an asshole strongman and rubblizing most of the infrastructure, we don't know how to do it. American exceptionalism at its finest!


And finally, if we're talking about American exceptionalism at its finest, we have to talk about Jud McMillan, who, first and foremost, has a first name of "Jud". Second and almost foremost, McMillan is an Indiana state representative, family values advocate, and local tea party darling who filmed himself fucking someone not his wife with his phone and then lost his phone or had it stolen in Canada and now everyone knows he was fucking someone not his wife and taping it on his phone.

But wait, you ask. Isn't there usually one incredibly ironic detail in a story like this, something that takes the ordinary, everyday schadenfreude and elevates it to near-legendary status? And let me commend you on your insight, even if it's insight I've made up for you on your behalf. You see, as part of McMillan's big push for family values, he kept a bill that would criminalize "revenge porn" in Indiana from getting out of the committee he used to be in charge of. Revenge porn, of course, is the releasing of pornographic video without the consent of the participants. And now McMillan knows exactly why that should be illegal.

Of course, a decade ago, McMillan's career as a prosecutor was cut short because he sent pictures of himself masturbating and using a dildo to a domestic violence victim he was supposed to be helping, so the fact that he even has a career now to be ruined by another scandal is truly American exceptionalism at its finest.