Repetition Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery

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Memo to Lindsey Graham, John Kasich, and Ben Carson: YOU ARE ALL THE WORST.

Believe me. I am all too aware that putting Ben Carson in every week's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS is hurting my general premise over the past few weeks that all of the Republican candidates are equally awful. The problem is, a few of these fuckers are laying low on purpose and a few of them are being forced to lay low because nobody will print stories about them. Marco Rubio, for example, has been actively courting mega-donor and horrible human being Sheldon Adelson for a week or two, but that doesn't make for sweet quotes. Cruz, Huckabee, and Santorum are all demonstrably horrible people, but nobody's listening to them. Still, there's a slim chance Carson may be the absolute worst of the bunch. But I will reserve that specific judgment while dishing out more general judgment..

"I'm all for helping the people in New Jersey. I don't really remember me voting that way. Anyway, I don't really recall that, but I'd be glad to look and tell you why I did vote no, if I did." - Lindsey Graham, on CNN

Graham, you see, is from South Carolina. South Carolina, as you may recall, recently enjoyed one of the increasingly frequent weather disasters that, every time they happen, we're told they're "one in a century" or "one in a millennium". Statistically, you'd think there'd be fewer of those, but that's not the point today. The point is, Lindsey Graham wanted the federal government to help South Carolina, but voted against the federal government helping New Jersey after Hurricane Sandy.

Now, Graham claimed later his vote was against one specific pork-laden aid bill versus another that he favored, but we all remember the Republicans spending all of Obama's presidency hamstringing federal aid with the excuse that it wasn't "paid for" and then trying to call everything that went wrong in America "Obama's Katrina". But more importantly, Lindsey Graham didn't know he'd voted against Hurricane Sandy aid or why until his staff did some research and told him what he felt. Probably because the topic wasn't going to war in the Middle East and the Arab hordes coming to kill us.

"Well, a lot of it is based on experience. A lot of different factors go into it. It’s all tied up in skills. Do you not have the skills to be able to compete?" - John Kasich, mansplaining the gender pay gap.

This isn't out of the ordinary for a Republican. The people on top always believe it's because of their "skills" and "experience" and no other factors could possibly exist, because if they didn't believe that, their own success might not mean they're awesome. So ladies, if you're making less than the man next to you, he must have more skills and experience. But you get to (be forced by Republicans to) make babies, so hey, it's a wash, right?

I wonder what Kasich would honestly say in response to Jennifer Lawrence, who, concisely and succinctly, explained yesterday why even a successful, powerful woman is at a disadvantage in the industry, a disadvantage that led to her being paid much less than her male co-stars, and only finding out about it because hackers released Sony's dirty laundry. I'm sure he'd have an excuse. They always do.

"I think the likelihood of Hitler being able to accomplish his goals would have been greatly diminished if the people had been armed,” - Ben Carson, really getting away with some shit here..

The idea that gun control led to the Holocaust, and not, say, white supremacy, is not a new one amongst the right. But as with so many things this year, it's new to presidential politics. It's new to have it said largely without consequence, because, well, the idea is completely fucking insane, from both a practical and a historical standpoint. But Ben Carson can say it and stand by it, because the old rule of "don't blame the victims of the Holocaust for not fighting hard enough" no longer seems to be in force.

And, as I'm sure you all know by now, given Carson's stated experience with the "Popeye's organization", what Germany's Jews really should have done is told the Nazis they'd be better off committing genocide on that other minority group over there, since that's how he acted when confronted with an armed robbery, in sharp contrast to how he lectures other victims on how they should react. But hey, that's how awful monsters roll, right?