Pre-Huckabee Filler

« October 2015 »

Memo to post-debate analysis, Barack Obama, and Blount County: YOU ARE DUMB.

Obviously, at some point soon, I will need to get into Mike Huckabee's endorsement of slavery, but that's really more relevant to my continuing They're All The Worst campaign. And so, in order to kill time between now and my eventual reckoning with Huckabee's bold new political stance, I'll just do some SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY bits about the Dem debate, the forever war, and good old Tennessee.

I didn't bother watching the Democratic debate, but from the summaries afterward, there are two major things that stand out. First, that it took two full hours for anyone to say anything even approaching the median level of batshit insanity of the Republican debates, and it took until the last answer to the last question for it to happen. You know, when Jim Webb said the enemy he was proudest of was the one he killed in the 'Nam. Jim Webb, by the way, was participating in the debate because it turns out he's still running for president.

And the second was Bernie Sanders' "damn e-mails" comment. That, right there, was a textbook example of what you should fucking do. You win the Democratic debate on the differences between Democrats. You adopt Republican bullshit to attack your fellow Democrat (cough cough Lincoln Chafee cough cough), you just strengthen and give credibility to both the specific bullshit and the force of Republican bullshit in general. Good for you, Bernie.

Hey, remember the war in Afghanistan, right? The one that will be old enough to drive soon? The one that was supposed to be over, that Obama was going to get us out of? Funny story...

Maybe it's a good idea to leave five or ten thousand American troops in Afghanistan until the next president takes office or beyond. I can't imagine it would be. It seems like more wishful thinking, that this time, if we just stay the course, we can turn things around. But here's the thing. If we still can't get out of Afghanistan now, if it's really necessary to keep this thing going, in some ways, that's a bigger indictment than it would be if this were just another American president making a bad Middle East decision. I'd rather it be that we won't get out than the alternative - that we can't.

And finally, shout-out to Blount County, Tennessee, for helping to maintain Tennessee's status as Dumbest State in the Union by introducing a county resolution asking God to spare Blount County from His Almighty Wrath when he comes to punish us all for the Supreme Court's gay marriage ruling. Then scheduling a meeting to discuss the resolution. Then adjourning that meeting almost instantly because, well, their resolution made the news and a bunch of people showed up and people were noticing them being crazy pigfuckers and laughing at them.

The county commissioner who introduced the measure, who unfortunately doesn't have a funny name I can mock, said she hopes to reintroduce the measure at a later date, presumably while we're all distracted by something else. Maybe that'll be enough time for someone from Blount County to properly explain their theological understanding of how God's wrath works and why it takes rural county resolutions into account. Oh, and why Massachusetts hasn't been wrathed all to fuck at any point in the past eleven years. God can't even make their teams lose consistently, and we all know how important He is in the outcome of professional blankball games.