Brevity Is The Soul Of Intro

« January 2016 »

Memo to the 501st Elmer Fudd Legion, Shitty Democrats, and Bill O'Reilly: YOU ARE DUMB.

You know the drill. Three subjects. No unifying theme. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

It's taken me a while to process my feelings about the Oregon Yahoo Militia, because intellectually, I want equality and justice to be served by all protests being treated as kindly by the authorities as this one is, and emotionally, there's nothing I'd like more than for all of these assholes' wet-dream fantasies of black helicopters, jackbooted federal thugs, and a glorious death fighting for FREEDOM to come true. And, ideally, for law enforcement agencies to release the number of them who shit themselves without firing off a single shot as an official government statistic.

But I think society has accidentallysz stumbled across an ideal compromise. The mainstream right is for the most part distancing themselves, and the rest of us are just making fun of them. Because ultimately, treating them as if they are dangerous just gets the blood flowing to their Constitution boners. Taking them less seriously than you'd take brown people doing the same thing is both an institutionally racist injustice and a stinging blow to their already unstable mix of low self-esteem and delusions of grandeur.

Ultimately, on the big danger and risk scale, none of these pigfuckers need to be worried about. Real dangerous terrorists, domestic and otherwise, don't threaten before. They claim responsibility after.

Yes, I hate awful Democrats and Independents too. For example, if Rahm Emanuel and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz were to resign tomorrow, I'd have to stop putting away all my New Year's party horns, because to hell with both of them.

It's increasingly clear that Chicago's mayor was complicit in the cover-up of the Laquan McDonald shooting video because he was afraid of losing the mayoral election. Which isn't surprising, because it's completely in line with the principle-free politics of Whatever's Best For Rahm that he's exhibited the entire time I've been following his career. People like Emanuel are useful in politics, and horrible at governing.

As for the head of the DNC, her latest fuckbotch - blaming abortion losses on complacent young feminists instead of the actual culprit, three decades of centrist Democrat demonization of abortion and an accompanying willingness to cede ground to the right on the issue - is just the latest example of her being awful at her job, whatever being head of the Democratic National Committtee actually entails. Shitty Democrats lose elections to insane wingnut Republicans, so in many ways, the harm they do is doubled.


"However, this year, I'm going to have to tweet more. Going to have to, because it's good way to message. And in this age of anti-Fox propaganda, I need to do it." - Bill O'Reilly, making me laugh.

Bill, do you know about Media Matters? I know you know about them. They yell at you all the time, and sometimes you yell back. The thing about Media Matters is, they've been using technology to try to counter propaganda for almost as long as I've been writing this column. And, as your paycheck every week demonstrates, propaganda does not give a fuuuuuuuuck.

And if a national, well-funded media organization can spend 12 years swinging at Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, with the net result being a lot of noise and zero actual damage, the fact that you think "tweeting more" is going to do anything more than increase Twitter's archive requirements by somewhere around a quarter of a megabyte, you're dumber than I thought you were. And you can't even comprehend how dumb I thought you were.