Zero Droughts

« May 2016 »

Memo to Donald Trump, Pete Sanborn, and, well, Donald Trump: YOU ARE DUMB>

There's no way around it. When it comes to America's leading sources of stupidity, it's impossible to match Donald Trump. It's barely possible to get a stupid in edgewise. That only 67% of today's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS is Trump-related is, quite frankly, a testament to my diligence. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

“We're going to solve your water problem. You have a water problem that is so insane. It is so ridiculous where they're taking the water and shoving it out to sea... They don't understand — nobody understands it. There is no drought. They turn the water out into the ocean." - Donald Trump, in California.

What Trump is referring to here, in case you're unaware, because he describes it so oddly, is the concept of a river. The water they're "turning out into the ocean" is water that flows down rivers. Donald Trump is apparently stridently anti-river, and wants to solve the drought by taking all the water out of the rivers and giving it to farmers. Donald Trump doesn't understand how rivers work.

This kind of madness is why we can't be complacent. We can be confident that he'll lose, but we can't be complacent assuming he'll lose and not actually go out and make it happen. I mean, I know Trump's whole brand identity is the world's most oversimplified solutions to otherwise complicated problems, but "you don't have a drought, there's a whole tube of water running through here that nobody's using" is next-level insanity even by his own standards.

"You know who else supports destroying history so they can advance their own agenda? ISIL. Don’t be like ISIL. I urge you to vote NO. Yours in freedom from the PC police.” - Pete Sanborn, legislative director for GA congressman Lynn Westmoreland, on a bill, later passed, that would restrict federal displays of the Confederate flag.

We haven't seen this level of poor judgment from a Westmoreland since Vietnam. While the congressman disavowed his staffer's "unprofessional language', he also mentioned that the communication was meant to be between colleagues on Capitol Hill, and wasn't intended for an external audience, as if that made it any fucking better.

Also, ISIL like the Taliban before them, "destroy history" mostly by wrecking irreplaceable historical stuff, not by arguing that maybe we shouldn't openly celebrate the most oppressive part of our heritage in front of the people we oppressed and who we claim, inaccurately, that we don't oppress anymore. You know who else makes shitty analogies to support their ultimately futile political fight? No, not terrorists. Just garden-variety assholes who can somehow land high-paying DC jobs working for other garden-variety assholes who can win elections in Georgia.

“Everybody says it, but I have a judge who is a hater of Donald Trump, a hater. He’s a hater. His name is Gonzalo Curiel... The judge, who happens to be, we believe, Mexican, which is great, I think that’s fine. You know what? I think the Mexicans are going to end up loving Donald Trump when I give all these jobs, OK?” - Donald Trump, continuing to ensure the "Mexicans" are going to end up hating Donald Trump.

OK, moratorium time. There are two people on the planet who, going forward, are allowed to use the word "hater" to dismiss someone who opposes them as having no validity. One is Taylor Swift, who I couldn't stop even if I tried, and the other is Enzo Amore, because if I had a dime for every time Enzo calling someone a hater annoyed me, I would have ZERO DIMES. But Trump using the word "hater" combines the worst aspects of "old guy trying to use young slang" and "complete asshole trying to explain away why he's losing".

And, of course, the judge isn't Mexican. He was born in Indiana. And, of course, Trump doesn't think his Mexican heritage is "fine" or "great", or he wouldn't have brought it up to his White Power supporters. A fact echoed when his spokesman slammed Curiel for being a member of the La Raza Lawyer's Association. "La Raza" falls in the same category as "New Black Panthers" or "mosque" or "union" as a code wing nuts use to scare and anger each other, even though the LRLA is perfectly normal and acceptable. That's how they've always rolled, but now that lizard brain id is out in the open.