Awful People Don't Actually Deserve Love

« June 2016 »


It's time for Men's Rights Monday again, the occasional tour de farce of the steaming pile of toxic jizz that is Return of Kings, one of the leading lights of the Men's Rights movement, which is one of the following darks of the human race.

Our object of derision this week is an article by Max Roscoe incorrectly titled "6 Reasons For The planned Obsolescence of Men:. This is not what the article is about. If the title had instead been "6 Signs The Planned Obsolescence Of Men Is Proceeding Apace", it would more accurately describe the intent of the article. I mean, the contents would still be delusional batshit, and we'd all be wondering how Max Roscoe's tutor decided he was ready for a big-boy word like "apace", but at least one of the questions raised by the article wouldn't be "why aren't any of these things 'reasons for'?"

The premise of this article is, in fact, an extension of a theme we've seen on Return of Kings before, which is "why it sucks that independent women don't have to settle for hanging out with my sorry ass". The introduction explains that because women don't NEED men the way they used to, women are able to pursue occasional attention and casual sex without a long-term relationship. This from an author and a site frequently associated with and using the terminology of the Pick Up Artist bullshit, mind you.

Not-A-Reason #1 is, of course, that women can work and earn money and don't need to spend years with a rancid lump of rat feces like Max Roscoe just to keep a roof over her head. Mind you, in none of the three paragraphs that detail this startling revelation from the late 70s does Rosco explain why this is a bad thing, he just operates under the assumption that it is, leaving the reader to assume as a conclusion that Max Roscoe can no longer rent someone long-term to pretend to like him.

Not-A-Reason #2 is that women in America are safer than they used to be. This is gradually eliminating the need for women to attach themselves to a mildly odious man who can, using the push-up, nunchaku, and firearms advice they learned on a blog full of handsome, ripped mercenaries with black belts, no, really, to protect them from even more odious men. Again, all of this is presented as disappointing fact. Poor Roscoe, longing for the days when "hanging out with me is incrementally preferable to being violently murdered" was a convincing argument.

Not-A-Reason #3 is, I shit you not, that the technological advances have allowed women to experience hundreds of channels and dozens of streaming services on various devices and thus no longer need a man to entertain them. I'm not sure how this actually works, because, well, Jack Benny was funnier than Max Roscoe too. No Netflix required. This also makes the first proper appearance of Men's Rights Trolling, a.k.a. "Internegging", where Roscoe explains that women aren't funny and are miserable to talk to. Which makes you wonder why he bothers with them at all, but we need another later point to really bring this idea home, so let's move on.

The fourth non-reason is sperm donors and single parenthood, which goes exactly how you'd expect.

Reason #5 is the ready availability of vibrators, and, in the event that she wants a real person, Tindr. Which brings me back to my earlier point. If women are so horrible, and Fleshlights exist, and Max Roscoe can presumably borrow his dad's HBO Now password so he can continue rooting for all the wrong people on Game of Thrones, why does he even care? Everything he claims about women now has been true, and truer, for men for centuries, except for making babies. Yet men are so desperate for female companionship that they'll create entire political movements around maintaining the socioeconomic inequality that was the only reason women would ever put up with their shit.

Not-A-Reason #6 is, literally, and yes, I know how that word works, LITERALLY that a woman once looked up an event's time and location on Google rather than letting Max Roscoe text it to her. This, of course, means that society has turned on its head into Crazy Town.

Ultimately, whether it's racism, misogyny, or running for president, all awful people really want is to keep being awful without consequences. And that is why they fight so hard against any changes to society that might impose those consequences. Max, I'm sorry that grunting into pocket pussy you've nicknamed "Mother of Dragons" isn't emotionally gratifying for you. Because if it were, maybe you wouldn't long so badly, in every sense of the latter and only the one verb sense of the former, for a time when the entire structure of society acted as your roofie.