Madness On The Prompter

« August 2016 »

Memo to Donald Trump, Donald Trump, and Kelly Ayotte: GODDAMN.

One of the biggest problems with the coverage of Donald Trump is that when he reads batshit crazy things in a serene tone off a teleprompter, they don't garner nearly the media coverage and condemnation as the batshit crazy stuff he says off the cuff. And so it was with Trump's foreign policy speech, which contained policy, yes, but contained policy that is utter fucking madness. IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

“In the Cold War, we had an ideological screening test. The time is overdue to develop a new screening test for the threats we face today. I call it extreme vetting. I call it extreme, extreme vetting." - Donald Trump, describing something inherently stupid in the dumbest way possible.

The idea behind "extreme vetting" is not forcing Muslim immigrants to snowboard, because that would actually be a more rational and practical test than Trump is suggesting. While details on the plan are scant, basically, Trump would ask brown people if they loved America and hated Sharia, and if they said "no", he wouldn't let them into the country.

Luckily, later this week, Trump expanded on the plan, calling for infrared camera systems to be installed in interview rooms to ensure no immigrants are crossing their fingers behind their backs, instituting a "no takebacks" clause to prevent future radicalization, and including "Have you stopped plotting against America" as the final question on every test so they can implement the Muslim ban without running afoul of Trump's Supreme Court.

"The support networks for radical Islam in this country will be stripped out and removed one by one, viciously, if necessary. Viciously, if necessary.” - Donald Trump, providing the most cogent argument against voting for him to date, which is saying something.

Here's a question that should be asked of every single Trump campaign supporter and spokesman, ideally with those infrared cameras to see if they're lying: define "support", and define "viciously". He said it twice, which is how you know it's really important to him and/or gives him an erection. Keep in mind that Donald Trump loves torture and believes that the family, friends, and neighbors of terrorists totally know what terrorists are planning and don't do anything about it.

Trump also proposed a commission that would "identify and explain to the American public the core convictions and beliefs of radical Islam", because apparently Sean Hannity and the people you constantly wonder why you followed them on Facebook aren't doing a good enough job of screaming CALIPHATE and BEHEAD at everyone else. This makes the post-9/11 surveillance situation seem like Baby's First Police State by comparison. This would be completely fucking terrifying if Trump weren't down by nine points in Florida.

"There’s actually a big distinction. Because everyone gets a vote—I do too–but an endorsement is one where I’m out campaigning with someone. And so while he has my vote he doesn’t have my endorsement, and I’m going to continue to really focus on my race." - New Hampshire senator Kelly Ayotte, wishing this were true.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Yes, there's a difference between "voting for" and "campaigning with", but "campaigning with" and "endorsing" aren't synonyms, no matter how much your precarious Senate race makes you want to believe it and say it. If you vote for someone, you want them to win. If you want them to win, you want other people to vote for him too. And if you want other people to vote for him, you're endorsing him. Kelly Ayotte is endorsing Donald Trump. Q.E.D.

But that's fine. All of these Senate assholes are twisting in the wind, trying to find a minimum safe distance from the vortex of suck that is the Trump campaign, and the longer they equivocate, the worse it'll be for them. And the worse it is for them, the happier I am, even if it doesn't lead to them losing control of the Senate. Which it probably will. But ultimately, the enertainment value of the process is completely independent of the outcome. And all this misery is taking place with our shitty, complacent press that eventually lets everyone off the hook for their bullshit. Imagine how much better it could be.