Poper Spray

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Memo to Jack Chick, Louisiana police, and shocked Francis fans: YOU ARE DUMB.

First, just as a preview, on Monday, I will finally be delivering the coveted You Are Dumb Dot Net endorsement in the presidential race. I'm sure the suspense is killing you. Until then, however, SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY.

I'm already long past due in noting the death of cartoonist Jack Chick, infamous for promoting the absolute worst strain of homophobic, anti-woman, anti-fun, anti-sex, racist Christianity through a prolific series of comic art "Chick Tracts". He lived to be 92, proving that the only two options for a supreme being are no God or Chick's God.

It's hard to imagine this these days, but there was a time, around a decade ago, when the brand of stupidity represented and furthered by Jack Chick was the most dangerous version of stupidity facing America. when hateful attempts at ruining people's lives was driven by a warped, self-righeous belief system instead of a memetically-spread grab bag of vaguely ideological concepts and catchy mob chants. Ah, those were the days.


I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that when David Duke appears on a debate stage in a deliberately empty auditorium of a historically black college in Louisiana to talk his usual barely-couched racist bullshit about black people and Jews, that it's the students of the school, outside the auditorium, understandibly upset by what's happening, that get pepper-sprayed. Because American exceptionalism.

Fuck Louisiana, but hey, let's make some lemonade. The Trump candidacy has demonstrated what happens when you remove consequences from the political ecosystem. So let's install pepper spray dispensers in debate podiums and get fucking serious about real-time debate fact checking going forward. Whichever candidate has the least red eyes, as measured by scientific equipment, at the end of the debate, is automatically declared the winner. It cannot possibly go worse than what we have now.


And finally, this week, Pope Francis stated in no uncertain terms that the ban on women priests in the Catholic Church will never, ever, ever be reversed. And I'm glad he said it. Not because I think women shouldn't be Catholic priests. I mean, I do, but I also think men shouldn't be Catholic priests. The few good things done by people with that job could easily be absorbed by other parts of society that wouldn't be dicks about everything else.

No, I'm glad he said it because people need to remember that the Pope is THE FUCKING POPE. He is not your ally, he is not a liberal, he is not fighting for your cause. He is THE POPE. He can wash all the feet of all the poor people he wants, but his job is still to maintain the continuity of one of the largest global organizations of repression and regression known to history. That he's being nice about it doesn't make him your friend.