Respectively

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Memo to Donald Trump, Donald Trump, and Jon Stewart: YOU ARE NUTS AND NUTS AND DUMB, RESPECTIVELY.

In this time of crisis, it's important to maintain our traditions for as long as we are allowed to keep them. Hence, SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY will continue to take giant, steaming dumps on small bits of stupid news for the foreseeable future. (NOTE: Foreseeable future currently calculated at around 70 days. Future beyond that not foreseeable.)

So far, the candidates floated as possible Donald Trump Secretaries of State are Mitt Romney, Nikki Haley, Rudy Giuliani, and John Bolton. Some in the media have suggested that this means the Trump transition team is open to working with establishment Republicans and former rivals. I'd argue that Nikki Haley's complete lack of any international experience makes her a fascinating choice for the leader of a movement that abhors affirmative action, myself.

But more importantly, let's say that I went into a restaurant and asked for a tasting menu consisting of a mayonnaise sandwich, a picture of some barbecue, a brick with a pair of googly eyes stuck to it, and a mug of rabies. Would the staff commend my bold range of possible choices, or would they consider me a clinically insane person with no concept of how the food service industry works? I present this as an important example for our media going forward.


As another data point towards the theory that the only way Donald Trump can get hard anymore is to stand in front of a podium while seven thousand white people chant "BUILD THE WALL" at him, Donald Trump has announced a post-Thanksgiving "victory tour" so he can keep having rallies, rambling in front of microphones, and turning angry mobs against the media.

Given how Trump's rallies have gone in the past, this is, of course, an awful fucking idea. Normally, this would be the point where I'd say some shit like "the media won't tolerate the same antics from a president-elect that they would from a candidate", but we all know that's not true. But even so, it's courting chaos and controversy for no other reason than Donald Trump gets off on people waving signs with his name on them. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!


ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I thought Donald Trump disqualified himself at numerous points, but there is now this idea that anyone who voted for him has to be defined by the worst of his rhetoric ... In the liberal community, you hate this idea of creating people as a monolith. Don’t look at Muslims as a monolith. They are the individuals and it would be ignorance. But everybody who voted for Trump is a monolith, is a racist. That hypocrisy is also real in our country.” - Jon Steward, doing that thing that pisses me off.

As I pointed out on Twitter, false equivalencies got us into this steaming, rancid shithole. They're not going to get us out. We argue against Muslims being treated as a monolith because they're being treated as if they DID something just because they ARE something. Voting for Trump isn't a thing people are, it's a thing people chose to do. And it was either BECAUSE of the racism, xenophobia, and/or the misogyny, or it was because those things weren't a dealbreaker. You can treat a group as a monolith when they exhibit a monolithic trait. It's not hypocrisy to treat two different things differently despite facetious, well-intentioned comparisons.