Where's The Shadowrun Government When You Need It?

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Memo to corporations: SAVE US.

Well, not really. But kind of. In the 80s and 90\s, dystopian science fiction posited a future in which corporations replaced governments. It was a dark future of unrestrained, evil capitalism, fought against by noble balding journalists or hackers with mirrored sunglasses.

The corporations of today are kinder and gentler. Not necessarily less evil, but more pleasant about it. And, most importantly, unlike a not insignificant percentage of our politicians, many of them realize they can't make money if their customers are all dead. Or even think they're assholes.

Three tales, three men. Jim Crichton of Zion, Illinois. Carl Paladino of Buffalo, New York. Mike Yenni, of Jefferson Parish, Louisiana. All three are awful people. Two of them are racists. One's a creep. One of them worked for a corporation and faced consequences. Two of them work for the government and still have their jobs.

You know Paladino, of course. He's the former Trump campaign guy and Buffalo school board member who wanted Barack Obama to die from cowfucking and Michelle Obama to go back to Africa in 2017. When last we checked in with him, he'd been asked to resign. He refused to resign. So the Buffalo School Board is trying to figure out how to kick him off, which involves hiring a law firm to petition the state education department to renew him. He remains in that consequence-free political state known as "embattled".

Mike Yenni admits to kissing a 17 year old boy, sexting with him, and buying him underwear as a graduation present. He has said he does not know why he did these things, and he's not gay. The rest of us know why he did these things, and that he is gay. And repressed. Hence the unhealthy and inappropriate behavior. Many have called for his resignation, but since he's refusing to resign and is only one year into his four-year term as Jefferson Parish president, the only option left is recall, for which signatures are still being collected. He remains in that consequence free political state known as "embattled".

Jim Crichton owned a Dairy Queen. Note the past tense. When an African-American woman and her daughter first asked for the Dairy Queen people to fix an order that they screwed up, and then for a refund when the staff refused to correct the order. Crichton then went on a racist diatribe against the woman and her daughter. Police were called, and he spent most of his police interview telling them how much he hates black people. His franchise was revoked and the restaurant was closed. In about three days.

Obviously, actual corporate rule would suck. But at least a lot of coporations these days are actually concern themselves with pretending they care about minorities so that minorities will keep spending money with them. It's corporate boycotts that led to Republican backtracking on hate-laws in several states, and are what probably tipped the balance in the very narrow North Carolina governor's election.

Of course, for every Dairy Queen and Disney there's a Hobby Lobby and Monsanto, but it tells you how fucking starved we all are for accountability when corporate overlorddom starts to look appealing by comparison.