The No Pee Three

« January 2017 »

Memo to Monica Crowley, Trump's papers, and the Daily Stormer: YOU ARE DUMB.

I know this is hard to believe, but a few things happened in the past week that weren't about pee. And no, I'm not that interested in them either, since they're not about Russian sex workers defiling the Presidential Suite, but like all of us, I do have to make an effort to pay attention to non-pee-related news. You can't have dessert all the time. In this metaphor, "dessert" is "news and jokes about Trump paying women to pee on stuff." Just wanted to be clear. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY PEELESS FRIDAY!

It's not pee, although many of the stories about it use graphics of text highlighted in neon yellow. But I want to come to the defense of Monica Crowley, who is currently embroiled in a massive plagiarism scandal involving her books and her Ph.D dissertation. This has led to headlines about the scandal identifying her as a "Trump Aide", because Trump has selected her for some communications gig at the National Security Council. And that's not fair.

I mean, Monica Crowley was awful for YEARS before she became a Trump aide. She told Bill O'Reilly there's no such thing as institutional racism. She tweeted a picture of herself at the Berlin Wall with the caption "Walls work." Laura Ingraham used her as a guest host, for fuck's sake. Calling her a "Trump aide" really diminishes her role in the right-wing echo chamber, a role she was apparently very suited for because she'd been "echoling" other people in her writing since the last millennium.

It's not pee, but it is a yellowy beige. I may or may not have more to say about Trump's clusterfuck of a press conference next week. We'll see how it goes. But I do want to call attention to the most blatant, weird prop in the whole thing - the blank folders full of blank paper supposedly there to represent how much paperwork would be involved in Donald Trump's weird fake plan to pretend he's stepping away from all his many conflicts of interest and emoluments.

The press wasn't allowed to look at the documents, but there were pictures of the stacks, and the pictures showed brand new manila folders with no labels full of chunks of paper all stuck together from when they were pulled, presumably, from a nearby copier at the last minute when someone decided what this thing really needed to jazz it up was a 3-D model of a piece of 1995 Microsoft Word clip art. The only difference between that and a farce from the early 70s is that Jerry Lewis didn't trip and drop the blank pages all over the floor, revealing the truth to everyone.

It's not pee, but it is a shining example of shitting the bed. Kudos to the Daily Stormer, the Neo-Nazi group that had to cancel its planned march on Whitefish, Montana, due to what they called "Jewish trickery", and what the town of Whitefish would have called a seriously fucked up application, would that they were permitted to use such language in public.

The application was woefully incomplete, and included just over half of the required fee, presumably because nobody bought their Swastikronuts at the bake sale. Their ineptitude is especially hilarious because they are, after all, NEO NAZIS. And while I certainly don't have any respect for what the original Nazis did, there's no arguing with the fact that the fuckers were ORGANIZED. You think Himmler would have tried to hold a parade without a map of the route? I seriously doubt it. Neo-Nazis aren't even good at being Nazis.