What A Way To Go Out (Maybe)

« April 2017 »

Memo to Sean Spicer, Sean Spicer, and ?: YOU ARE DUMB FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER..

Could it be true? Could thick-neck spicy boy Sean Spicer, the worst press secretary in the universe for the worst president in the universe, really be unemployed soon? Before today, there were rumblings that Cosplay Mussolini was displeased with the performance of Frat Goebbels, but today's performance may have sealed his fate. Or not! Nothing makes any sense anymore! IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"We didn't use chemical weapons in World War II. You know, you had a, you know, someone as despicable as Hitler who didn't even sink to using chemical weapons," - Spicer, fuckbotching a shitty talking point he was assigned.

To me, it's clear what happened here. The Trump people saw the media response to the Syria airstrikes and decided that bombing Syria was totally their way out of the "we suck and everybody hates us" problem they've been experiencing since, well, Day Two of the administration. But big chunks of their base consists of racists who want the killing of browns to be domestic and personal, not foreign and interventionary. So they had to justify it.

How do you justify it? Well, there's one war nearly everyone not on Trump's cabinet thinks was a morally justifiable war, and that's the war against Hitler. So Spicer was clearly told to go out there and say that Assad was worse than Hitler. But in the game of Anti-Semitic Telephone that is the Trump Administration communications strategy, the message got garbled into "Even Hitler wouildn't gas anyone!" Oopsie.

"I think when you come to sarin gas, there was no — he was not using the gas on his own people the same way that Assad is doing. I mean, there was clearly, I understand your point, thank you. Thank you, I appreciate that. There was not in the, he brought them into the Holocaust center, I understand that. " - Sean Spicer, in what may be the single greatest moment in press secretary history.

The first thing you need to know about this quote is that a member of the press somehow felt sympathy for Spicer and gave him the opportunity to fix his first historical fumble. I don't know why this happened, because Sean Spicer should have long ago exhausted the well of basic human empathy in the press corps, but I'm glad they did, because it led to Spicer calling death camps "Holocaust centers", and it was funny when he said it, it's funny now, and will continue to be funny until the heat death of the universe.

It's especially funny because all the evidence I've seen tells me that Sean Spicer isn't even in the top ten of Trump Administration Nazi Sympathizers. So he didn't use the phrase "Holocaust centers" as a kinder, gentler, euphemism to avoid pissing off the Stormfront wing of the Republican party, He's just a garden variety thug who's astonishingly bad at his job and couldn't remember the word "concentration camps" because none of the people he hangs out with at lunch ever mention them. It's funny because it's sad.

"One word says it all: Asian. It's why we have Trump. We can't have foreigners telling us what to do." -An inexplicably anonymous former Airbnb host,explaining why she was cancelling the reservation of an Asian woman.

Obviously, what she did was racist as fuck. And obviously, it's good that the people at Airbnb stopped her from renting out what is likely a tacky house full of angel statues, 9/11 commemorative coins, and spray cheese. But there is one thing here she wasn't wrong about. This is absolutely, 100% why we have Trump, as the months since the election have shown us.

We have Trump because of all the people like this host, who hate "foreigners", define "foreigners" in purely ethnic terms, and want to be able to stick it to those "foreigners". And we have Trump so they can feel comfortable being their true selves in public, free from that pesky "political correctness" that tells you being racist or stupid or hateful is a bad thing. Congratulations, anonymous Airbnb host. You represent the only documented success of Trump's first 100 days.