The North Will Move South And Pretend To Rise Again

« April 2017 »

Memo to Corey Stewart: YOU WIN LIKE THE SOUTH "WON".

I contemplated talking about Trump's "tax plan" today, but then I remembered how much my life improved when I started ignoring fanfiction. And that's all he really presented - a three page very-short story where Adam Smith and Ayn Rand have sex and then explain to Trump who Ayn Rand and Adam Smith are. So instead let's talk about the pile of retrograde garbage running for governor of Virginia.

Corey Stewart is basically redneck cosplay. He's a former Minnesotan who now lives in northern Virginia and has pinned his political career to a full-throated defense of the Confederacy that would give Lynyrd Skynyrd pause. Responding to New Orleans' removal of a "Confederate monument" that actually celebrated a paramilitary uprising nearly a decade after the Confederacy surrendered, Stewart said "It appears ISIS has won."

Now, I admit, I am not an expert on ISIS. but if the removal of monuments to white supremacy is part of their agenda, it's a startingly under-reported one. I mean, if Corey Stewart wanted to make a wildly inappropriate comparison to a group of hated Middle Eastern types, and clearly he really, really wanted to, he should have gone with the Taliban, who were famous for destroying historical stuff in Afghanistan. But that would require Stewart to put some thought into his reflexive trolling assholery, and that's simply not going to happen.

Stewart followed this up with the fun statement that "Nothing is worse than a Yankee telling a Southerner that his monuments don't matter." Putting aside the fact that Stewart calling other people "Yankee" is like the pot calling the kettle a white supremacist, and putting aside the fact that lots of Southerners also think some of these monuments are fucking awful, I'd imagine lots of people who agree with Stewart's insane stance could think of a few things they think are worse than this.

I mean, if you hooked Corey Stewart up to a lie detector and asked him which was worse, Northerners monumentsplaining things to rednecks, or a black family moving in next door to him, he'd tell you he's a weak simpleton jumping on the racist bandwagon because he hates himself. That's how lie detectors work, right?

Anyway, Stewart's campaign is behind on fundraising, and he's being too publicly racist now for the Virginia GOP establishment, so most of them have pulled their endorsements of him. Which leaves him with nothing better to do than spend three days arguing with people on Twitter like he was an unemployed Breitbart commenter. Seriously, if an actual snowflake appeared every time this dipshit used the word "snowflake" in a tweet, Virginia schools would be closed for a week.

But hey, I'm sure he's just acting out of economic insecurity and I should try to understand and appeal to him, right?