To Bloaty Go....

« July 2017 »

Memo to the Trump administration: HEY, MAYBE NOT RUIN SPACE TOO?

We take a short break from the hilarious news that the Russians got Donald Trump's shittiest son to show up at a meeting by dangling the promise of damaging Hillary Clinton in front of his stupid balding face during the campaign to point out that not even space is safe from Trumpian stupidity.

It started with the kind of generic Presidential business that even Dubya could do in his fucking sleep - the signing of an executive order on the National Space Council. I don't know what the order does. Nobody does. Because at the end of the event, Donald Trump had an interaction with Buzz Aldrin, last seen punching a scientifically illiterate conspiracy theorist in the fucking mouth. History did not repeat itself, hoever, when Buzz Aldrin referenced Buzz Lightyear's "to infinity... and beyond" quote and Trump responded... ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"This is infinity here. It could be infinity. We don’t really don’t know. But it could be. It has to be something -- but it could be infinity, right?"

An important thing to remember about Donald Trump is that he thinks, if he says things about things, people will think he knows things about things. This is why you always see him lifting his head during a prepared speech to go slightly off script with weird embellishments to try to sound more like he knows what he's doing, yet always proving he has no idea what he's talking about. Here, instead of nodding and smiling, he said this. He should not have said this. Nobody in the history of humanity should have ever said this.

Meanwhile, Mike Pence was at NASA. And yes, I'm going to get to it, but first, let's touch on the Vice President's remarks, keeping in mind that Mike Pence is a rabid Jesus freak who calls his wife "Mother" and demands she be present when he's around other women. ACTUAL PENCE TIME!

>"Space is vital to our national security. I saw it firsthand when I visited Schriever Air Force Base just a few weeks ago. And I can assure you, under President Donald Trump, American security will be as dominant in the heavens as we are here on Earth.”

Yes, the Trump administration is pretending it wants to militarize space. They won't do it, of course, just like they won't build a solar wall. They might do it by accident, I suppose, by ordering a Navy submarine to dive in the wrong direction, but intentionally? Donald Trump does things not because they are hard, but because they are easy.

And yes, then Pence went and touched some NASA shit next to a big DO NOT TOUCH sign and said he did it because Marco Rubio dared him to. Which is complete madness on at least two levels.

First, the Vice President and a Florida senator are fucking around at NASA like a couple of twelve-year-olds on a school field trip. I mean, come the fuck on. What's happening? But beyond that, and this speaks deeply to the character of one Mike Pence, who the hell would do anything because MARCO RUBIO dared them to? I might stop doing something I did regularly and enjoyed if Marco Rubio dared me to do it, just on principle. But Mike Pence? Sure, what the hell, I'll make myself an Internet laughingstock! Imagine if he were President. In, like, six months or so.