Strap In And Hold On

« July 2017 »

Memo to Congress, Hobby Lobby, and Kid Rock: YOU ARE DUMB.

The pile of stuff I need to cover is vast, and I don't know how much I wanna say about them or how I'm going to get through it all before something else happens that needs dealing with. So, until further notice, FREESTYLE TOPIC MONKEY EVERYDAY!

The latest death of the burning garbage barge equivalent of a gag birthday candle known as Trumpcare is incredibly revealing, because, while it was never about health care, at some point it stopped being about tax cuts for the rich. Well, to the extent anything Republicans ever do can ever stop being about tax cuts for the rich. And at some point after that, it stopped being about taking a shit all over Obama's legacy. And it started being about the most basic motive of all - being somehow able to prove they can pass something. ANYTHING.

Which is why I'm proposing that Republicans pass, and Donald Trump sign, the Awesome Healthcare Act. The text of the bill consists of two words, each followed by an exclamation point. Awesome! Healthcare! That's it. They can pass it through budget reconciliation, because obviously, Democrats shouldn't vote for this stupid gambit, but they can get 52 votes and a presidential signature and can brag about how they passed awesome healthcare and totally got things done and no poor disabled kids have to die for the sake of tax cuts or shitting on a legacy.

HOBBY MOTHERFUCKIN' LOBBY! I still haven't talked about Hobby Lobby, who aren't willing to give their female employees money to help them not get pregnant, but are totally willing to give ISIS money for stolen, smuggled Iraqi artifacts they can use to stock the shitty Bible museum they're putting together using the money from Evangelical scrapbookers. BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY ARE. Allegedly. The ISIS part. The rest was proven and they paid a three-million-dollar fine and had to return all the ancient cookie jars they got caught with their prayin' hands in.

They didn't pay ISIS directly, or work with ISIS, but as fervent opponents of Planned Parenthood, they're very familiar with the argument that money is fungible, and so any payment to any group for any product or service must automatically be considered to fund the single worst thing anyone associated with that organization does. So if breast cancer screenings are abortion, Hobby Lobby funded the everlovin' shit out of ISIS.

Kid Rock is running for Senate, because of course he is. And by "of course he is", I mean that's the kind of world we live in, not that he's actually filed any paperwork or started a proper campaign beyond making a logo and a website. So of course he may not be. But we might as well assume he is, because again, that's our world.

And of course, like any heavily-tattooed rock star who sings about promiscuous sex and looks like a hepatitis factory that got strung out on meth, Kid Rock is a Republican. Because standards are for suckers. And qualifications are for suckers. And competence is for suckers. And not sucking is for...suckers. Make America Great Again!