The Suck

« July 2017 »

Memo to Dana Rohrbacher, Donald Trump, and John McCain: SIGH.

Hate things that suck? Well, this is definitely not the week for you. So much sucks this week that there's not much to do except yell impotently at the sky and the IDIOTS WHO SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"One of the benefits, I should say, of your activities, is that, well — you have all these robots all over the universe and beyond.... You have indicated that Mars was totally different thousands of years ago... Is it possible that there was a civilization on Mars thousands of years ago?" - Known asshole and congresscritter Dana Rohrbacher, doing the important work on the Committee on Science, Space, and Technology.

Look, I know the House of Representatives has a lot of free time on its hands while the Senate figures out the best way to secretly and quickly murder sick children and not be held accountable for it, but I bet NASA scientists have better things to do than make crayon drawings of space science so that a moron like Dana Rohrbacher can understand that there's nothing "beyond" the universe, and we've sent what Rohrbacher thinks of as robots to like one or two other places.

I know that our government has bigger problems than this right now, but here's an idea. Instead of having a member of the Space Committee ask a NASA scientist if there was an ancient civilization on Mars, how about we ask potential Space Committee members if they think there was an ancient civilization on Mars, and if they say "yes" or "I don't know", they don't get to be on the fucking Space Committee. Turn this fake-ass meritocracy into a real one. Plus, as a Republican, I'm sure he'll appreciate an intelligence test before he's allowed to vote on shit.

"By the way, just a question, did President Obama ever come to a Jamboree? And we'll be back. We'll be back. The answer is no. But we'll be back." - The Fucking President

There are a lot of moments from the Shitbag-In-Chief's rambling political rally he called a speech to the Boy Scout Jamboree I could have chosen, but I'm going to choose the one where he took a giant dump all over the former president, and encouraged the kids to do the same, and many of the kids obliged by booing the former president. A lot of people compared this moment to a Hitler Youth rally, but I don't think that's fair. Hitler's speeches were much better organized.

No, given the Boy Scout's recent history, what we saw here was Trump leading 40,000 or so children into a giant game of Smear The Queer. This wasn't Germany in 1939, this was a Queens middle school in the early 80s. Still a horrible model to follow, still the latest startling break with basic human decency that the Boy Scouts refuse to recognize as such because, well, organizationally, they're assholes and have always been assholes. But the Boy Scouts are not the footsoldiers in Trump's fascist army, they're just friends with Trump because they have the same average mental age.

"Both sides have let this happen. Let’s leave the history of who shot first to the historians. I suspect they’ll find we all conspired in our decline – either by deliberate actions or neglect. We’ve all played some role in it. Certainly I have. " - Brain cancer survivor as of now John McCain.

Point of order. John McCain made what may be one of his last great paeans to false equivalency and bullshit bothsidesism while voting on a motion to proceed in the single most deviant, atypical, borderline illegal Senate strategy in history, engineered entirely by the Republican Party to throw a life preserver to a corrupt President who called McCain a loser because he got captured. And this was scant months after the GOP-engineered hijacking of a Supreme Court seat.

Which means that John McCain is going out the way he came in: as a big fucking fake. Fake moderate, fake maverick, fake honorable defender of Senate traditions, fake bipartisan, fake fake fake fuckity fake. On the upside, he'll also be going out the way he came in - never being called on his fake fake fuckity fake bullshit by a media that bought his narrative wholesale and sold it to America retail. While some kind of frankenmonstrosity of a bill to ruin millions of people's lives gets passed so that the Senate can "get something done" as if that were good in and of itself.