President Garbage Loves Nazis

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Memo Donald Trump: YOU LOVE NAZIS.

Yesterday established as fact something that's been suspected for a while, by many. President Donald Trump loves Nazis.

Now, for some reason, this still seems to be a slightly controversial statement. Some people have a hard time believing that an American president could love Nazis. I mean, sure, Andrew Jackson, but technically, he couldn't love Nazis because Nazis didn't exist yet. And some Republicans have a tough time believing they voted for someone who loves Nazis, because that would make them wrong and bad people. So let's break it down.

DONALD TRUMP: Just want to be clear here that I'm discussing actions taken and choices by Donald Trump. Not people on his staff, not some weird false flag impostor Trump created by the left to make the real Trump look bad, Donald J. Trump, President of the United States, the man that all the Charlottesville Nazis support, as evidenced by their Trump clothing and Trump chants and Trump logos on the Facebook pages we looked at after they mowed down a couple dozen counter-protesters.

LOVES: You know what the easiest thing in the world to do was on Saturday? Say Nazis are bad. You know how easy it was? Mike Huckabee did it. Lots of people in the Republican Party did it. Many of them didn't even mean it, but they did it anyway, to keep up appearances. And while, yes, I'm certainly skeptical of the anti-Nazi sentiments of the "All Lives Matter" crowd in Washington, they did in fact take the simplest, easiest step to denounce the most extreme expression of racism and fascism in recent American history.

Donald Trump, however, didn't. He denounced hate "on many sides", which I hope is the defining quote of his faied fucking nightmare of a presidency. He didn't even say "I", which, for Trump, took some effort. He uttered a carefully-worded statement specifically designed not to single out any one person or group for blame.

That is not, to put it mildly, a thing Donald Trump does often. Donald Trump doesn't put out a carefully-worded statement when he's mad at his own Attorney General. He doesn't put out a carefully-worded statement when he's mad at the only guy who can get his awful ideas through Congress. He doesn't issue a carefully-worded statement when one might be needed to, say, avert nuclear war in Asia. The only time he ever issues a carefully-worded statement designed to avoid blaming one person or group is when that person or group is or are Nazis.

And I don't give a shit what his daughter tweeted Sunday morning, and I don't give a shit what, if anything, he's forced to say on Sunday (I'm writing this hella early), because you don't get a do-over on "Nazis are bad", after everyone yells at you for not saying Nazis are bad and you try to half-measure it by sending your daughter out to say Nazis are bad and pretending that counts. You don't get a do-over after all the Nazis on the Internet high five each other because you didn't say Nazis are bad. Sorry.

NAZIS: Some people like to argue that these Nazis aren't Nazis because only a couple of them waved Nazi flags, or wore Nazi armbands, or had T-shirts with pro-Hitler slogans on them, or chanted the Nazi slogan "BLOOD AND SOIL". They argue that these people don't share all the traits the Nazis of 75 years ago did, so they're not really Nazis.

A lot of things are different than they were 75 years ago. Movies are in color now. Phones play video games now. Toilet paper has ridges and quilts and whatnot. But we still call them movies, phones, and toilet paper, because that's what they are.

So, yes, these Nazis lack the discipline and fashion sense of their forebears. And yes, most of these Nazis are dumb as lobotomized rocks. But they're still Nazis. They're just the 2017 version. They can be doughy. They can be fratty. They can even be Jewish. These people have been ignoring logical inconsistency and cognitive dissonance forever, so let's not pretend that "Stephen Miller, Jewish Nazi" is some kind of insurmountable hurdle. Nazi is the simplest, most concise, most accurate word to describe their belief system. They're not alt-shit.

Donald Trump loves Nazis. You may not like it. It may make you uncomfortable. It may make you deny everything I've said because the alternative would be examining your worldview, and we can't have that, can we? But that's your problem, not mine. My problem is that Donald Trump loves Nazis.