My Area Of Expertise

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Memo to Tim Pawlenty: OFF MY TURF.

What is this, the week for public officials to tromp through my yard? First the First Lady tries her hand at comedy, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that the First Lady should never try her hand at comedy, and now Minnesota's governor is going around calling shit stupid. That's MY JOB. Your job is to ruin the state and piss me off, my job is to call you an idiot. "Profoundly stupid", even.

So what, pray tell, does the great Tim Pawlenty think is so moronic, so beneath him, that he has to stoop to the kind of juvenile name-calling usually reserved for Internet columnists? TAXING THE RICH. Hooray for Governor Douchebag!.

The state has no money. The state has no money because Pawlenty has been cutting or freezing state taxes since he got voted into office. Pawlenty, you see, believes taxes are bad for his political career (unless they're going toward a stadium), so he won't raise them. Nope. Not even if inflation's going up. Not even if health care costs more. His solution is not to raise money, but to cut services. Like health care for the poor. Like child care for the poor. Like bus service for the poor. Like pretty much anything that comes before "to the poor", because, well, he's a Republican, and the POOR DON'T COUNT.

The Democrats, who like to pretend that the poor do count even though they don't get any campaign money from them, put forth a proposal yesterday that'd raise a billion dollars. They'd raise this billion dollars by raising taxes by eleven percent, but only for the richest four percent of Minnesotans. FOUR PERCENT. These are single people who make more than $190,000 a year. Or couples that make $295,000 a year.

Two to three hundred grand a year. If you're making that much money, even these days, I'm sorry, you do not get to whine. These are the people who've been benefiting from Bush's policies. From Pawlenty's policies. At the expense of the rest of us. And it's "profoundly stupid" to ask them for more money so that people who make a TENTH or less of what they earn can see a fucking doctor? Can go to work without leaving their kid with the crazy shut-in next door? Pawlenty thinks this is "profoundly stupid"? Take it from someone whose avocation is profundity about stupidity. Pawlenty is completely unacquainted with both jack and shit.

And why, pray tell, is taxing rich people a "very stupid idea"? The usual crap arguments against progressive tax codes. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"If this bill passes, you might as well put up a sign on the borders that says 'Welcome to Minnesota; Take Your Jobs Elsewhere." - Tim Pawlenty, reminding me yet again of one Minnesota job I cannot fucking wait to be taken elsewhere. If you tax the wealthy, you see, you'll hurt all the small businesses! The poor small businesses! The people that create the jobs! Can't hurt the small businesses!

I am so sick and tired of these pussies hiding behind small businesses to protect their own checking accounts. If small businesses are affected by changes to personal income taxes, that means one of two things. Either the small businesses are idiots for filing under personal income tax laws, or the small business tax laws are fucked up. Nothing can be done about the first, but if Pawlenty and his cronies really cared about this issue, they do, you know... run the fucking government. They could actually fix the tax code. But they won't because they'd lose their cover. They're doing the same thing with the estate tax. Can't have an estate tax. Hurts the small businesses. Hurts the family farms. No, you can't just exempt the small businesses and family farms. Gotta lump them in with the Mars candy heirs worth billions when tax-time rolls around.

And what jobs? Last I heard, Pawlenty's Minnesota wasn't even managing to keep pace with the anemic recovery the country's managed so far. Yeah, I'd hate do disrupt the brilliant job you're doing so far by putting some money in the government. That sure would suck.

At the end of the day, it boils down to plain, simple logic. You tax rich people for the same reason you rob banks. THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY IS. Rich people have more of it than the rest of us, which is why we call them RICH PEOPLE. As a result of having more money, they are, or at least should very well be, able to afford more. They've got jobs. They've got health coverage. And on the rare chance their spawn are dawdling with the common man in the public schools, those are the schools that are hurting the least.

The thought that these people should contribute more to the running of things than the working poor is just common sense. And if Pawlenty thinks that's stupid, then I guess I'll have to look harder for the glorious Utopia his brilliant policies have turned this state into. And I'd better do it fast, before they get rid of the bus route that goes there.