Life Was Peaceful There

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Memo to Jim West: YOU ARE DUMB. AND GAY.

I don't mean that last one as an insult, even in a post-ironic double-back schoolyard twist. He's just, you know. Gay. He likes to have sex with hot young men. Which is fine. I am all for whatever makes people happy, whether that's a long-term relationship with the partner of your choice, or a furtive quickie in a City Hall restroom. But James "Go" West, who I discussed briefly yesterday, is a dumbass.

Yes, every human's misery diminishes us all, or something. But let us, in a rare instance of pure, unbridled joy at someone else's expense, all grab some sticks and marshmallows and raise a toast, if you will, to the self-immolation of a fucking hypocrite douchebag. Some fun facts I bet you didn't know about Spokane's soon to be ex-mayor (who, if you missed yesterday's column, got caught trolling gay chat rooms for barely-legal meat he could give internships at City Hall to. The meat turned out to be an undercover newspaper reporter. Oops.):

In 1986, guess which Washington Republican joined with his colleagues to sponsor a bill that would have made it illegal for gays to work in schools, day care centers, and some state agencies? I'll give you a hint - it's the same guy that said the following to what he thought was an 18-year-old motocross enthusiast:

"i like my guys masculine... real jocks. football player types... or motocross guys." - Which, by the way, is so typically closeted-Republican that I'm almost embarrassed for him.

Also in 1986, guess who called an AIDS-prevention pamphlet "something people go buy in dirty bookstores"? I'll give you a hint. It's the same guy who talked about getting cockblisters from excessive masturbation.

Guess who opposed a stupid little resolution on International Women's Day because it honored women of all sexual orientations, like it had for years before? Someone so desperately in denial about his sexual preference he denied being gay thusly:

i'm more asexual. but like guys a lot. - do you know what asexual means?... basically means that sex isn't high on the list. not a choice between one or the other. you know there are some guys that have it on their minds all the time and constantly talk about it. not me. don't get me wrong. i LOVE sex.and i can have it with either but i prefer men in many ways. If you love sex, you're NOT ASEXUAL.

Even last week, confronted for the first time by reporters with chat logs of his guy-on-guy cybersex, West was in denial. "First of all, I wouldn't characterize me as gay. And I don't want to go into the whole issue, but I wouldn't characterize me as gay." That kind of distinction may help West sleep at night, but I guaran-damn-tee you that's not going to make James Dobson feel any better. Even if Dobson's closeted too.

The whole thing is so very pathetic, I'd almost feel bad for him, until I remember that West consistently opposed anti-discrimination laws that would protect gays from getting fired over their orientation, and as mayor, threatened to veto domestic partnership benefits in Spokane. And then I'm inclined to let the fucker burn.

You know who I feel bad for? The reporters. That's some fucking dedication, that is. Sure, they brought down a corrupt politician, but the price they paid. THe demeaning, sick verbiage they had to listen to. And I'm not talking about the 53-year-old guy talking about his cock. I'm talking about the chat room shorthand. Months of "r u", weeks of "lol", and not a single fucking capital letter starting a single fucking sentence in any of the lengthy transcripts the newspaper logged and saved.

Fuck Woodward and Bernstein. The reporter or reporters who played the role of "MotoBrock" deserve Pulitzers and hazard pay for the grammar alone. Modern journalism isn't all about blogging, making shit up, and kissing Dubya's ass. And the Spokane Spokesman-Review has reminded us all of the unique pitfalls of the digital age. TY, Spokesman-Review. TY.