Buerk Is Ready To Get It On

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Memo to Michael Buerk: YOU ARE DUMB.

You know, on first glance, it often seems that England has it better than we do. Their right-wing leader-fuck isn't as dumb as our right-wing leader-fuck. Their version of The Office is better than our version. They don't have a Tennessee.

And while they do occasionally gun down an innocent Brazilian on the subway who, contrary to initial reports, wasn't actually wearing a bulky jacket, didn't actually jump the turnstile, and, er, didn't actually run from police, but rather bought a ticket, grabbed a newspaper, and took his seat, it could be worse. After all, none of their prominent news anchors got caught with a vibrator in one hand and a cell-phone in the other.

They do, however, have Michael Buerk, And while I'm sure Buerk would never use a cell-phone to force phone-sex on a woman, he might be able to match Bill O'Reilly in the crazy-ranty department.

Buerk seems to be feeling a bit threatened by women, you see. I'm not sure when it started. Maybe it was when that Icelandic elf stole his name. But apparently, both personally and professionally, Buerk has decided that those pesky women have too much power. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Life is lived in accordance with women's rules... The result is men are becoming more like women." - Buerk, who admittedly, has a point. It's only womens' insistence on being paid less and kept down in the workplace that makes the whole situation tolerable at all, really.

Buerk is appearing on a show called "Don't Get Me Started", which apparently is a bit like this column, only with a classier accent. Prominent Brits come on and vent their spleens, and Buerk decided to vent his spleen about the current "femocracy" in which the role of man is to be a sperm donor.

As evidence for his claim, he cited metrosexuals, thereby not only proving himself an asshole, but a hopelessly out of date asshole. Metrosexuals, men using moisturizer, David Beckham... all examples of how the rise of women has taken the "man" out of... um, "man".

But wait! Not all of his proof is rooted in sweaty soccer players who fuck Posh Spice. "Almost all the big jobs in broadcasting were held by women - the controllers of BBC One television and Radio 4 for example. These are the people who decide what we see and hear." - He says "were", because both of those women have since been replaced. By men. No word yet on whether either of the men use moisturizer.

One good thing about this is that it proves our two countries aren't as different as we think. Get caught in print saying something stupid, and the defense is the same. I didn't say that, and when I -did- say it, I didn't mean it in a BAD way. ACTUAL STIFF UPPER LIP TIME!

"In my experience, women are more efficient and caring in the workplace. It is absurd to generalise." - Um, OK. Thanks for clearing that up.

"I am trying to convey that masculinity is becoming unfashionable and that traditional male values, such as courage, risk-taking and single-mindedness can be seen as dysfunctional... This isn't necessarily a bad thing but some of the more masculine traits have led to some of the world's greatest achievements and the trend in society currently is to move away from those traits."

See? All this femming-up is fine, just fine. It's not a bad thing, it just leads to cowardice and dithering, and if it hadn't been for all the manly men now being "ruined" by women, we wouldn't be where we are today.

I'd love to discuss the incredible dominance of women some more, but I have to go. Gonna stop by Hooters, pick up some Tag body spray, then swing by Borders and grab that Ed Klein book where he proves Hillary is a lesbo.