There Are, In Fact, Stupid Questions

« September 2006 »

Memo to Mark Millar And Crew: YOU ARE DUMB.

Aphorism for the Information Age:

Better to assume you're a fool and Google the fuck out of it already than post to your message board and remove all doubt that you're an asshat. What it loses in poetry it gains in applicability. Especially when it comes to Mark Millar.

Mark Millar is a comic book writer. It's actually his career, he's not just a TV guy slumming between cancelled series. He's even British, which in the comics writing world usually gives you ten to fifteen bonus points. And like many comics writers before him and since, he has a message board for his fans to hang out on. And for him to hang out on. Trust me, it's all very Web Two Point Oh.

So anyway, the guy was just going about his business when he decided to discuss a recent observation, and subsequent revelation, with his many fans. ACTUAL POST TIME!


OK, that's not the post. That's the thread title. If you need to put your face in your hands for a while, I understand. It's like he was finally able to check off the last item on page three of the WORST LIFE TO-DO LIST EVER. Here's what followed:

"Tweaking the dialogue on Ultimates 12 before it leaves for the printer tomorrow (38 whopping pages), but nipped out for a much-needed haircut and a break. While down at the shops, I saw a black guy with DS. Amazing, as this is something my friends and I had queried for years. Is DS genetically localized to Caucasians. Yes, I'm now about to waste 20 mins phoning a couple of my pals to say so, but now me appetite has been whet and I'm curious if there are any Chinese or Indian Downs Syndrome people out there. Given that Scotland is almost entirely white my chances of seeing one here are slim, but I'm certainly on the look out now.

Sweet merciful fuckmonkey, where to start? Let's start with "Amazing." I can understand, barely, the peculiar shock when confronted with evidence that a long-held, albeit idiotic, belief is not in fact the case. But that doesn't make the evidence "amazing". I'm sure the guy would be thrilled to find out that Scottish comic book writers find his partcular genetic cocktail fascinating, though.

Second, GOOGLE. Millar and his friends have wondered for YEARS if only Caucasians got Down's Syndrome? I'll grant that, not having given it any thought either way myself, it's a question I might not have been able to answer if put to me unexpectedly. But a half-second Google search gave me the answer, which is, obviously, NO.

And now he's "on the look out" for other ethnicities with Down's Syndrome? I didn't think it was that easy to script a few dozen pages worth of comic book a month, honestly. Between that and his message board and his haircuts, I would have thought he'd have no time to hide in the bushes of medical facilities with a telephoto lens. I'd have apparently been wrong.

Being a message board, of course, it degenerated from there. I will pause only briefly to alight on one blighted soul, defending Millar from the inevitable charges of "what the FUCK is wrong with you?" ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Seriously, what's so tasteless about this thread? Upon first reading I went "Jesus Christ, the man really has no internal filter, does he?" but then I re-read it, and what's the harm? Have we gotten to the point where even acknowledging other races by name is politically incorrect?"

Even by Internet message board standards, that's obnoxiously thick. Millar treats a black guy with Down's Syndrome like a fucking LEPRECHAUN, breathlessly telling all and sundry that he saw one and they're really for reals, and "Ricardo_C" thinks the problem is he said the word "black". Yeah. Keep telling yourself that's the offensive part.